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Do you struggle with irrational thoughts?

It's every damn day for me. I know they're irrational, but that doesn't make a damn bit of difference. I don't know how to describe it to someone who doesn't deal with it. The hardest thing for me to do is come to terms with how crazy I am, and not only because of irrational thoughts. I've never had a decent psych evaluation. It doesn't matter that I have a good job with good income; I always feel like a loser. I don't want to live the rest of my life like this. It's been long enough as it is. I'm paranoid all the time. I have no one outside of this place to talk to. No one who can hear my voice. I think my son hates me. I couldn't do shit to save my wife. I was fired from the job of a lifetime for having suicidal thoughts (I've since found a new job). I'm miserable. I'm lonely. I'm tired.
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Unlearn · 41-45, M
Are you good at your work? Also, do you usually sleep well?
JHNTHN · 36-40, M
@Unlearn I'm a skilled worker who works hard. I only sleep well because I take 100mg of Benadryl every night.
Unlearn · 41-45, M
@JHNTHN Do others think you're good at what you do? Do you wake up rested?
JHNTHN · 36-40, M
@Unlearn I've been told that I am, but again, paranoia. I think everyone hates me.
JHNTHN · 36-40, M
@Unlearn Yes, I wake up fine.
Unlearn · 41-45, M
@JHNTHN what do you think is making you so paranoid?
JHNTHN · 36-40, M
@Unlearn I have no idea.