Do you struggle with irrational thoughts?

It's every damn day for me. I know they're irrational, but that doesn't make a damn bit of difference. I don't know how to describe it to someone who doesn't deal with it. The hardest thing for me to do is come to terms with how crazy I am, and not only because of irrational thoughts. I've never had a decent psych evaluation. It doesn't matter that I have a good job with good income; I always feel like a loser. I don't want to live the rest of my life like this. It's been long enough as it is. I'm paranoid all the time. I have no one outside of this place to talk to. No one who can hear my voice. I think my son hates me. I couldn't do shit to save my wife. I was fired from the job of a lifetime for having suicidal thoughts (I've since found a new job). I'm miserable. I'm lonely. I'm tired.