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I Am Trying to Find Happiness

So I very rarely remember my dreams. It is a common trait that I have people from what I term "my old life" in my dreams, mainly because I do not have much in the way of a "new life"... I pretty much am just a solitary person, that's very friendly - but only available in a very superficial way for others.
I seem very outgoing and friendly. I am friendly - but I have managed to lose all contact and friends. How? Time, sadness, life difficulties, and others just moving onward.
It really hurt my feelings how I feel that I helped many of my friends, in dramatic ways - and then they never chose to help me out.

It is a cold and a greedy world. I have been thinking maybe I deserve to sue Disney because they managed to fill my head with expectations of fairness and righteousness. Curse their ridiculous views!

Well last night I had a dream that really bothered me. I am very sensitive and I like children - especially babies. Well, some girl from my high school and growing up was in the dream, as well as a few older friends. I forget the vast majority of the dream, but I remember the end. We were on one of those amusement park rides that has chairs on the ends of cables - and the center of the ride spins around, making the individually hung chairs spin around and fly outwards, due to centrifugal force - I think... Lol
Anyway I never ride stuff like that in real life anymore, I just don't care for it still. But, while in the dream I was certain it was real life - I did not think it was a dream. I remember at the end looking down at my arms and just crossing them in front of my face and wishing it was a dream. Well - wish granted! Thank goodness for that!

So the girl, her name is Nicole, was somehow on an inner concentric circle, compared to the one that I was rotating on. This does not actually happen with the real rides, but it did with my imaginary one. She had a brand new baby and it slipped out of her hands, and because of momentum, it flew back and I reached for it, but I could not get very close at all... The poor baby WAS caught by another old friend of mine, also on the ride, but on a circle further out from myself (see how impossible this is?) and he could only hold onto the baby for a couple seconds, before he lost grip and it went flying out into a field of long grass and rolling hills.
I remember even listening super super hard, and praying to hear a cry... It of course was silent, and I was very broken hearted. I was looking down at my arms, wishing it hadn't happened and wishing it was a dream, while hearing Nicole berate us for being such awful people. In retrospect, she probably shouldn't have brought a newborn (apparently covered in Vaseline or something) onto a dangerous amusement park ride. But that's the crazy nature of dreams...

Anyway - I just don't know what to do. I feel like I could do so much and be such a force for goodness in this world. It's just that I feel unable to become ALLOWED to do anything meaningful.

Any good thoughts? Thanks for reading anyway.

That's when I woke up. So thank goodness for that.
You will find it. It might not be like your expectations but trust me.
illw84u · 36-40, F
In time.. 😉

 
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