Love & Attraction > Relationships

Only logged in members can reply and interact with the post.
Join SimilarWorlds for FREE »

Do all woman need empathy for seemingly stupid things?

So my friend comes over, wants to go out shopping. Its 6pm here, on Xmas Eve, but I say OK I will go. So we start off, she checks her phone and the place she wants to go is closing at 6pm, so we can't go there.

She gets upset and says her day is ruined now because she can't look for the sweater she wanted. She obviously wants me to commiserate and tell her how bad I feel for her. I just can't though, nothing about this to me elicits a need for a real emotion. Oh yea it sucks the store is closed, so what? Move on.

I am now, however, a huge jerk and got a shitty attitude from her the rest of the night because of this. How do people fake this crap?

Top | Newest First | Oldest First

SStarfish ·

She really wanted that sweater dude.. 🙄 You just don't even understand

View 1 more replies »

SStarfish ·

Yeah I know.. When I wanted a dress from a store my hub took me there and let me buy it.. Three of them even 😁 He's nice 🎁

This comment is hidden. Show Comment

BellaLocura · 51-55, F

OMFG I would DIE if I couldn't get the sweater TODAY. What a tragedy....🙄

Pherick · 41-45, M

Obviously it was ... or atleast enough of one that it caused her evening to shitty and then in turn to make my evening shitty :)

BellaLocura · 51-55, F

@Pherick: My mother is like that. I had to quit spending so much time with her. It's too energy draining.

Pherick · 41-45, M

@BellaLocura: Yes, it really is. I know it put me in a foul mood for the evening.

mic11225 · 26-30, M

Just don't fake it. Not worth the trouble. I would argue almost everyone wants to be empathized with to some degree though, otherwise theres no point sharing your feelings with people in the first place. If you are asking are all woman are so needy for emotional coddling as that I'd say heck no.

Pherick · 41-45, M

Thats what I argued, that of course if this were something "important" I would empathize and understand what she was feeling, but in this case, letting her day go sideways because of a closed store, for something she really DOESNT need, I couldnt understand that, so how do I empathize?

Writer · 100+, F

The thing is that sometimes you should just stop and look at her, perhaps blink. You may think about something else while pretending to listen. Your problem is that you think you need to fix everything: her sadness, the shop's opening times, her attitute... let her complain and she'll get over it by herself.

View 5 more replies »

Writer · 100+, F

@Pherick: its not me.

This comment is hidden. Show Comment

Writer · 100+, F

i changed my profile picture. Happy now?

SW-User

Cuz people are all different. People also tend to displace their annoyance and cranky mood that is coming from a genuine place to something less significant. It's natural. Anyway. Shrug it off.

rottenrobi · 56-60, F

You know, I'd like to say I'm above this kind of behavior. But sometimes.... I'm not sure a sweater would illicit this kind of response, but a plant would definitely make me blue.

sweetiepiehuggs · 41-45, F

a sweater...blah. Now if it was a book I have been dying to read and I had to wait yet again for it I might be a little bummed.

View 4 more replies »

sweetiepiehuggs · 41-45, F

but I don't think your a jerk.

Pherick · 41-45, M

@sweetiepiehuggs: Thank you :) I don't normally feel like a jerk ...

sweetiepiehuggs · 41-45, F

@Pherick: You can easily spot the jerks. Even on here. You seem like a nice guy. I think she was just mad and took it out on you.

Peaches · F

They don't fake this, it's real for some.😔

Gangstress · 41-45, F

That sweater though. Haha. We are a weird breed

Ryan7878 · M

[c=#7700B2]really that was super important to her and she was upset. It shouldn't matter why she was upset if you are her friend you should console her.[/c]

Pherick · 41-45, M

Thats part of the problem, I wouldn't even begin to know how to console someone about not being able to buy a sweater.

BeachBum · F

True friends are honest.
Don't sweat the sweater life will be better.

Console? Pfft condemn
It annoys me when it's a
non necessary needy attention grab.
I wish people would just get real. FFS 🙄

Highonheels · 51-55, M

I know how you feel man, since me and my wife have become somewhat friends after being separated for three years she tells me about every little thing that she does as if its so horrible,when she texts me about something that has gotten her frustrated she says ugh!! As if I'm supposed to care or something and send an empathic response,like oh I'm so sorry your feeling frustrated,for most things I could really care less you know like I have problems too whenever I tell her about something she doesn't respond in kind so why should I right I get it man trust me I do.

PoetryNEmotion · F

She is feeling rushed and upset. I find you mostly open-minded and understanding, Pherick. Don't paint all women with the same paintbrush. Some women are really into shopping. That is their way. I am not. If I get in a shopping mood, I shop. If not, I don't. I don't get in that mood often so when I do, I SHOP. Don't fake it. Just tell her how you feel. And go from there. Nice seeing you here, my friend.

View 1 more replies »

PoetryNEmotion · F

@Pherick Baby. She and I...Where did your grammar go? LOL. I dig you.

Pherick · 41-45, M

@PoetryNEmotion Oh wow, yea that was bad. :P

PoetryNEmotion · F

@Pherick I miss you, my friend. Drop by once in a while!

Collegegirl23 · 26-30, F

It sucks for me too when girls come to me comblaining about such stupid things and I try haRd to act sad but I don't really care I have bigger probs

BeachBum · F

Rise above it ignore & point out it just a sweater.

I don't know. The whole Christmas thing triggers people's inner child & sometimes that child is the little girl with a little curl in the middle of her forehead...when she's nice, she's very very nice, but when she's not, she's horrid.
Sounds like a bloody spoilt brat.

Take your friend to the pediatric oncology ward... see if the sweater matters so much then.

Pherick · 41-45, M

You know what the amazing part is, she is actually a nurse who works on a labor floor. She KNOWS the value of a baby's and mom's life. She has come to my place breaking down with how hard her job is at times.

Then she lets a sweater ruin her day. I certainly don't get it.

BeachBum · F

@Pherick: ah yeah maybe the sweater is the last straw. People get weird around the holidays.

Pherick · 41-45, M

@BeachBum: Yea, I am going to stick with that :)

Typicalpisces · 41-45, F

It's not fake... Just change your perspective. You don't need to care about the sweater, or the store... Forget the context! Your friend is upset... The story stops there. You can feel empathy for a friend because something upset them, right?

But I can see why, just in principal alone, you just couldn't climb aboard that train ;-)

View 2 more replies »

Pherick · 41-45, M

@Typicalpisces: I would have NO idea how to deal with an adult woman crying over the flavor of popsicle :)

This is why women need other women as friends!!!

Oh I know I certainly have my own issues when it comes to being defensive.

Typicalpisces · 41-45, F

@Pherick: AND you enjoy talking about politics?!
Recipe for disaster lol

Pherick · 41-45, M

@Typicalpisces: Like an earthquake breaking off California into the sea level disaster.

JerseyGal · 51-55, F

I can't fake that crap.
Not trying to make it seem like she wasn't upset, but...that type of thing is so not worth my emotions lol. 🙂

RubySoo · 56-60, F

Sorry to comment on such an old post... but i couldnt not!

I am sooo like friend..lol. id have behaved the same as she did. She probably didnt really expect you to empathise ...i wouldnt expect it either....but boy id have thought sooo highly of you if you did!! Lol x

Pherick · 41-45, M

@RubySoo I normally try and be more understanding, was a rough day for me, and seeing her acting like it was a horrible day, just over a sweater, I didn't get it.

I have tried to be better!

RubySoo · 56-60, F

@Pherick she was being a brat in truth...but..i get it! Lol xx

This comment is hidden. Show Comment

Pherick · 41-45, M

She .... has her moments. :)

Highonheels · 51-55, M

Wasn't there another place she could have bought the same sweater I mean more than likely other places may carry the same stuff ,and also her waiting to go shopping at 6pm on Christmas eve day was a silly notion on her part doesn't she know most places close really early on that day.

Carla1951 · 70-79, F

Sir,women desire words over actions. My advice would be to pick a song you like that is descriptive. She needs to feel you are possibly worth waiting for. Hunt around to perhaps find a poem to show your feelings.S W has a lot of romantic poetry.

TerriME · 36-40, F

I wouldn't get upset...I'd just go order it online. 😛 Do you think there might have been something else wrong, and it wasn't about the sweater at all?

Pherick · 41-45, M

I wish I would have known! Wouldn't have it been easier to tell me about it then, then act like the sweater was a huge deal? :)

TerriME · 36-40, F

Some girls are hard to figure out. They even drive ME crazy, and I am one! Some just don't make sense. But I do know people and their emotions and usually getting upset over something like that means there's something wrong that's bigger. Unless, of course, she was buying the sweater for someone else to give them for Christmas, in which case I would say she just got caught up in the crazy stress of the season.

Pherick · 41-45, M

@TerriME: Well things were fine the next day and never mentioned it again, so I am assuming it was just something I didn't get and will probably never understand :)

sissychloe · 26-30, M

[b][c=#800055]awww gosh you've got much to learn Mr.Pherick - fortunately I wouldn't hold it against you for not getting it cause you're [i]always such a guy![/i]

honestly if i don't have silly things to prattle about how am i going to get you to notice what matters to me? 💛[/c][/b]

Carla1951 · 70-79, F

Women love seeing themselves in The DRAMA. Just deal with it!

View 2 more replies »

This comment is hidden. Show Comment

Writer · 100+, F

@Angel01: sounds expensive.

This comment is hidden. Show Comment

Sarabee · 41-45

Now why was she mad.........at her own stupidity .....so she wanted you to confirm her idiocy

Aquarius39 · 41-45, F

I appreciate empathy, but not over materialistic things that I wasn't able to get.

Goodlistener · F

Yeah that's weird of her. She sounds drama

SW-User

😂 this really amused me!

Collegegirl23 · 26-30, F

This damn post is since 2016 and still getting responses but when i post about needing someone to talk to nobody answers smh! Shameless ppl

Pherick · 41-45, M

@Collegegirl23: Looking at this post, you just made a minute ago,

https://similarworlds.com/2-Community/894765-Whats-up-with-this-guy-and-weather

That picture shows you have 46 unread messages ... someone is trying to talk to you.

Highonheels · 51-55, M

@Collegegirl23: I'll talk to you girl

Collegegirl23 · 26-30, F

@Pherick: and the point u are trying 2 make is?

SoFine · 46-50, F

If she was Mrs Clinton - she would have hired the army to get this sweater Pronto or used the money from Haiti Earthquake Fund to buy the best from Paris ...

You have allot to learn on females, we want what we want ..or else, we have a mini melt down ....

Highonheels · 51-55, M

Sounds to me like she procrastinated a little too much and now she's seeking solice in you maybe you could've said something like we can find a different store that is open and look there for the sweater

ColeQueen · 31-35, F

Women are emotional creatures. That is how we operate. Men operate differently than women.

Burnley123 · 41-45, M

I think you are and INTP. 😂

Pherick · 41-45, M

I used to know, I had to take one of those personality tests for work .. I should find the results ...

Burnley123 · 41-45, M

@Pherick: INTPs are logicians who care about the reason why. I have had the problems you describe above with people and have had to learn the hard way.

This comment is hidden. Show Comment

Add a comment...