I Believe In God

I believe in God. I believe in the Bible and what it says. I struggle to be holy. I struggle to be righteous. I don't like to fail God. I am weak and weak and weak and not stupid but stuck in the ways of the world. I want to seek God with the same passion that I seek to have the new iPhone or a new gun. I don't. I don't know how to want God like that because I am stupid I guess. I am stuck in the world. I believe in God. I do NOT believe suicide means Hell. That was not always the church stance in the matter, it is only since St. Augustine that the church casts down the suicide as a sinner. Before that (historical FACTS) SUICIDES were martyred in applicable circumstances. So the church didn't always take that stance - also I am a man and no man can take away what God has given me and He has given me salvation through Jesus Christ. Anyway, enough of/ that. I believe in God. If anyone knows how I can seek God with the same doggedness that I seek the pleasures of this world I would really like to know.