I Have Faith In God
This is the continuation of my last post
My Visit to the Doctor
I am often asked if God loves me so much ,why doesn't He heal me ?
He healed my Daughter who was crippled from age 8 -12
Doctors said it was impossible ,but none the less
she has no more signs she ever had a bone disease
So here is the answer to why not me
Now some in the past have asked if God loves me so much why does He not totally heal my back like He did for my Daughter .
Actually He did ,I walked out of a hospital under my own power in March of 1990
I had just had major back surgery ,and part of my spine removed
I was told to never do construction or to be lifting on heavy engine parts again
they set my limitations for my back 25 lbs and my right arm 10 ,,and to keep my right elbow at my side as often as possible and NO OVERHEAD work at all .
So 9 days later I put in hardwood floors ,Oak ,that also needed to be finished after it was installed ,so a pretty sizable job for a healthy man ,let alone on that just had back surgery .
I gave all the glory to doctors and my ability to pay and my own refusal to quit ,
"No Doctor will tell me when I'm done ",I paid to be able to walk again was my way of thinking .
I did praise God for not letting them paralyze me ,but the surgery was no miracle in my book so ,still something I could give man praise for (Now my Daughter ,her healing was impossible ,man can't repair bone like God can ,even the best Doctors said her healing was impossible ,,but it happened )
But I was able to walk the next morning after surgery ,5 days later discharged ,
told to stay off my feet and laying down ,,absolutely NO SITTING ,to be laying flat or standing but NO Sitting at all for the next 6 months , (somehow it could put pressure on my spine where they removed a huge portion of it ,possibly make it break ,I was told to consider my spine
"Made out of Glass "
But as quick as possible ,"I was back " Playing rock in the clubs and lifting Drywall like I had never been laid up because of it ,,take a pain pill ,,chase it with a beer
I was called the "machine "again by my so called friends ,nothing keeps me down .
But a little tiny srur in my shoulder showed me who was boss ,,
hard to do anything when you can barely raise your arm ,,,or lift a coffee cup with it
That little sliver cost me everything ,,My wife ,my home ,my job ,my music career
I went from the big shot with a crew that couldn't be outdone by anyone ,
A band living my dream ,a huge fan base all over the country ,,to homeless
living on the streets ,,a "has been " that has no clue how to even support himself .
I had to finally swallow my pride and take whatever job I could get .
No one cares your a Vet and how many lives you've saved ,or how many Locomotives you've overhauled ,or how many mansions you have built ,or how big the crowds were you have played for when you are applying for a job ,they want to know what you can do for them .
I paid $100.00 to have my car detailed before all this ,and it not be all that good of a job ,I still had to finish the job to get it right .so it was very humbling
I ended up washing 30 cars a day to support myself for $5.00 an hour to start with
After I finally gave my life (what little of it that was left to Christ )
He turned my life around ,and my attention to doing a good job in spite of my arm and back opened other doors for me ,and better pay ,but I had to be humbled first
I was a very arrogant ,self reliant know it all ,,but my arm and back the way they were ,no one wanted to hear who I was ,they wanted to see just what I was capable of now .
God and God alone , healed me of my Addictions ,and my Alcoholism and He gave me back a sound mind I did everything I knew how to do to destroy it (at least my memory )
He opened the door for me to find my kids that had been hid from me for 12 years
I got to see them for the first time since 1983 in june of 1995
(Its crazy when you have to use process of elimination to tell which of your kids is which )
By November 5th ,1995 I walked out of a courthouse with full custody of 2 ,1 had turned 18 in August ,,she was 5 when I seen her last ,now she was off to college .
Her Mom would not give them their clothes ,and the next day it was cold ,they needed coats .
I come home on Nov 6th to a check of $1000.00 in my mail box
The next day another one ,,$1000.00
The next day one for $9.000.00 ,,my back pay from Social Security
Turns out I was approved in Aug 1994 ,,they held my money up all that time to see if I owed the Government any money .SSI ,Student loans ,back child support
(I actually did owe a student loan they later dismissed ,and $17.000.00 in back child support that I later paid off every dime ,but they did not deduct it from my back pay after holding up my check over a year )
Had I received that money sooner I could have saved my life that I lost
They did not find the cause of my arm problem until after my wife left me ,,she was told by my Doctor he could find noting wrong with me "It was all in my head "
She was unable to save our things on her own ,and it took its toll on her (my addictions and alcohol use played its part too )
But now looking back ,,,all that was the best thing that ever happened to me
If my wife was not willing to honor her vows "For better or worse ,sickness and health ,rich or poor ,,than its best I found out ...she threw away a good man ,,
In poor health and with my addictions I still gave her a good life .
but I do get her reasons for leaving and my confession of infidelity 6 years earlier didn't help either ,but her main reason was she was lonely ,she did not want all the stuff I thought made her happy ,,the thing she wanted most was me .
but my job and my music career and my friends ,,she was always taking the back seat
But my change was real ,but she said I changed so fast she just couldn't believe it was real ,,but it was God ,,I was unable to change me ,but God did a quick work on me thats for sure ,,after I asked Him to prove He was real ,He did in a very big way .
In ways no man could have ,God gets all the glory
But now I am glad it all happened ,,but it sure hurt like hell when it was happening and I was very scary at the time ,but to go from homeless to having my kids back and not have to work anymore in such pain ,I even got to finally record an album and I did not pay a dime .and I did concerts again ,but this time they were for the Lord ,the one I broke my promises to "Lord ,If you will just let me walk again I promise to serve you "
That is a promise I should have honored .
So I have rented for the last 23 years (I lost 2 homes that were paid for to EX's )
I live within my means ,but now I want for nothing and I still even do drywall from time to time ,and I work on engines .but now its to give back ,not so I can feed my ego and say I am one of the best anymore .I am slow ,but I still do quality work .
I was able to put my kids through school and enable them to go to college
I was here for my girls when 2 of them lost their men to death and my oldest through a divorce ,my Ex who hid my kids from me ,well she and I are close now .
I have a son ,born on my birthday ,and my Grandson and I plan to tour a bit this summer
And I can walk ,and play music ,and work as I need to
and make Doctors ask HOW
God is how ,,He keeps me humble ,I know who enables me
and He meets all my needs and He healed my Daughter ,only a fool would not be grateful .
I do not care who believes in Him or not
I do and no amount of "God is not real " can change that
If my Doctor believes in God or not ,I didn't ask
But my Doctor was blown away ,,Again our Father enables me ,to do what "Logic " says is impossible ,,,glad I don't let that "Logic "stuff control what I believe ,I feel sad for those who refuse to see ,,His handy work is all around you .
you just fool yourself ,and you are "TO wise "to see
And God will use the simple things to confound the wise ,,
But my back is not so simple ,,even they wise say "How ? thats impossible ,how are you able to do that "? ,,My answer is God ,,He has His hand on me
I love the ones who feel it is their duty to tell us "God is not real ,you believe in a fairy tale used to control men "
Let me give you a little info regarding that .
Man asked for a King ,the very first one was King Saul
Before then they had no worries about famine ,or enemies ,starvation ,lack of any kind .
But as King rebelled against God ,they did terrible things to the people
They did not need religion to control the people ,,you did as they said ,or they fed you to the lions ,or cut off your head ,or used you as tourch's
2 main religions were Christian and pagan Rome ,and Rome managed to covert Christians into pagans ,,,Man used religion to control men ,,and they did that to themselves
They asked for a King ,God gave them one
In the 3rd century BC ,the greatest arts and science ever under one roof was housed at the Library of Alexandria ,,Rome destroyed it ,but guess where most of the records and art ended up ?just a rings worn by a Pope of old could buy a country they have a room full of them ...Its not God who let the people down ,its their own free will and Religion that did ,,but Christ has made a way you can come to God on you own
And call Him Abba Father ,the choice is up to us all .
God is very real ,,I prove it every day ,,I walk when I should not be able to
Thats all the proof I need ,,,but I have seen so much more than that
Your "Logic " can't sway me ,it deceives you ,,and robs you of your blessing and birthright
I know who I am ,I am a born again son of the Most High God
To Him alone goes the glory
My Visit to the Doctor
I am often asked if God loves me so much ,why doesn't He heal me ?
He healed my Daughter who was crippled from age 8 -12
Doctors said it was impossible ,but none the less
she has no more signs she ever had a bone disease
So here is the answer to why not me
Now some in the past have asked if God loves me so much why does He not totally heal my back like He did for my Daughter .
Actually He did ,I walked out of a hospital under my own power in March of 1990
I had just had major back surgery ,and part of my spine removed
I was told to never do construction or to be lifting on heavy engine parts again
they set my limitations for my back 25 lbs and my right arm 10 ,,and to keep my right elbow at my side as often as possible and NO OVERHEAD work at all .
So 9 days later I put in hardwood floors ,Oak ,that also needed to be finished after it was installed ,so a pretty sizable job for a healthy man ,let alone on that just had back surgery .
I gave all the glory to doctors and my ability to pay and my own refusal to quit ,
"No Doctor will tell me when I'm done ",I paid to be able to walk again was my way of thinking .
I did praise God for not letting them paralyze me ,but the surgery was no miracle in my book so ,still something I could give man praise for (Now my Daughter ,her healing was impossible ,man can't repair bone like God can ,even the best Doctors said her healing was impossible ,,but it happened )
But I was able to walk the next morning after surgery ,5 days later discharged ,
told to stay off my feet and laying down ,,absolutely NO SITTING ,to be laying flat or standing but NO Sitting at all for the next 6 months , (somehow it could put pressure on my spine where they removed a huge portion of it ,possibly make it break ,I was told to consider my spine
"Made out of Glass "
But as quick as possible ,"I was back " Playing rock in the clubs and lifting Drywall like I had never been laid up because of it ,,take a pain pill ,,chase it with a beer
I was called the "machine "again by my so called friends ,nothing keeps me down .
But a little tiny srur in my shoulder showed me who was boss ,,
hard to do anything when you can barely raise your arm ,,,or lift a coffee cup with it
That little sliver cost me everything ,,My wife ,my home ,my job ,my music career
I went from the big shot with a crew that couldn't be outdone by anyone ,
A band living my dream ,a huge fan base all over the country ,,to homeless
living on the streets ,,a "has been " that has no clue how to even support himself .
I had to finally swallow my pride and take whatever job I could get .
No one cares your a Vet and how many lives you've saved ,or how many Locomotives you've overhauled ,or how many mansions you have built ,or how big the crowds were you have played for when you are applying for a job ,they want to know what you can do for them .
I paid $100.00 to have my car detailed before all this ,and it not be all that good of a job ,I still had to finish the job to get it right .so it was very humbling
I ended up washing 30 cars a day to support myself for $5.00 an hour to start with
After I finally gave my life (what little of it that was left to Christ )
He turned my life around ,and my attention to doing a good job in spite of my arm and back opened other doors for me ,and better pay ,but I had to be humbled first
I was a very arrogant ,self reliant know it all ,,but my arm and back the way they were ,no one wanted to hear who I was ,they wanted to see just what I was capable of now .
God and God alone , healed me of my Addictions ,and my Alcoholism and He gave me back a sound mind I did everything I knew how to do to destroy it (at least my memory )
He opened the door for me to find my kids that had been hid from me for 12 years
I got to see them for the first time since 1983 in june of 1995
(Its crazy when you have to use process of elimination to tell which of your kids is which )
By November 5th ,1995 I walked out of a courthouse with full custody of 2 ,1 had turned 18 in August ,,she was 5 when I seen her last ,now she was off to college .
Her Mom would not give them their clothes ,and the next day it was cold ,they needed coats .
I come home on Nov 6th to a check of $1000.00 in my mail box
The next day another one ,,$1000.00
The next day one for $9.000.00 ,,my back pay from Social Security
Turns out I was approved in Aug 1994 ,,they held my money up all that time to see if I owed the Government any money .SSI ,Student loans ,back child support
(I actually did owe a student loan they later dismissed ,and $17.000.00 in back child support that I later paid off every dime ,but they did not deduct it from my back pay after holding up my check over a year )
Had I received that money sooner I could have saved my life that I lost
They did not find the cause of my arm problem until after my wife left me ,,she was told by my Doctor he could find noting wrong with me "It was all in my head "
She was unable to save our things on her own ,and it took its toll on her (my addictions and alcohol use played its part too )
But now looking back ,,,all that was the best thing that ever happened to me
If my wife was not willing to honor her vows "For better or worse ,sickness and health ,rich or poor ,,than its best I found out ...she threw away a good man ,,
In poor health and with my addictions I still gave her a good life .
but I do get her reasons for leaving and my confession of infidelity 6 years earlier didn't help either ,but her main reason was she was lonely ,she did not want all the stuff I thought made her happy ,,the thing she wanted most was me .
but my job and my music career and my friends ,,she was always taking the back seat
But my change was real ,but she said I changed so fast she just couldn't believe it was real ,,but it was God ,,I was unable to change me ,but God did a quick work on me thats for sure ,,after I asked Him to prove He was real ,He did in a very big way .
In ways no man could have ,God gets all the glory
But now I am glad it all happened ,,but it sure hurt like hell when it was happening and I was very scary at the time ,but to go from homeless to having my kids back and not have to work anymore in such pain ,I even got to finally record an album and I did not pay a dime .and I did concerts again ,but this time they were for the Lord ,the one I broke my promises to "Lord ,If you will just let me walk again I promise to serve you "
That is a promise I should have honored .
So I have rented for the last 23 years (I lost 2 homes that were paid for to EX's )
I live within my means ,but now I want for nothing and I still even do drywall from time to time ,and I work on engines .but now its to give back ,not so I can feed my ego and say I am one of the best anymore .I am slow ,but I still do quality work .
I was able to put my kids through school and enable them to go to college
I was here for my girls when 2 of them lost their men to death and my oldest through a divorce ,my Ex who hid my kids from me ,well she and I are close now .
I have a son ,born on my birthday ,and my Grandson and I plan to tour a bit this summer
And I can walk ,and play music ,and work as I need to
and make Doctors ask HOW
God is how ,,He keeps me humble ,I know who enables me
and He meets all my needs and He healed my Daughter ,only a fool would not be grateful .
I do not care who believes in Him or not
I do and no amount of "God is not real " can change that
If my Doctor believes in God or not ,I didn't ask
But my Doctor was blown away ,,Again our Father enables me ,to do what "Logic " says is impossible ,,,glad I don't let that "Logic "stuff control what I believe ,I feel sad for those who refuse to see ,,His handy work is all around you .
you just fool yourself ,and you are "TO wise "to see
And God will use the simple things to confound the wise ,,
But my back is not so simple ,,even they wise say "How ? thats impossible ,how are you able to do that "? ,,My answer is God ,,He has His hand on me
I love the ones who feel it is their duty to tell us "God is not real ,you believe in a fairy tale used to control men "
Let me give you a little info regarding that .
Man asked for a King ,the very first one was King Saul
Before then they had no worries about famine ,or enemies ,starvation ,lack of any kind .
But as King rebelled against God ,they did terrible things to the people
They did not need religion to control the people ,,you did as they said ,or they fed you to the lions ,or cut off your head ,or used you as tourch's
2 main religions were Christian and pagan Rome ,and Rome managed to covert Christians into pagans ,,,Man used religion to control men ,,and they did that to themselves
They asked for a King ,God gave them one
In the 3rd century BC ,the greatest arts and science ever under one roof was housed at the Library of Alexandria ,,Rome destroyed it ,but guess where most of the records and art ended up ?just a rings worn by a Pope of old could buy a country they have a room full of them ...Its not God who let the people down ,its their own free will and Religion that did ,,but Christ has made a way you can come to God on you own
And call Him Abba Father ,the choice is up to us all .
God is very real ,,I prove it every day ,,I walk when I should not be able to
Thats all the proof I need ,,,but I have seen so much more than that
Your "Logic " can't sway me ,it deceives you ,,and robs you of your blessing and birthright
I know who I am ,I am a born again son of the Most High God
To Him alone goes the glory
