This....is really a battle
Of information at this point. I have had to write and rewrite my post over and over because it either turns into propaganda supporting michael or lucifer. And it is not about EITHER of them. They ALWAYS try to insert themselves into my story some way as the most important people to me ever, my lovers or guardians or mentors or guides, etc. As ruling as "God" with me. But they were NEVER supposed to be God!! It isn't their place!
All I know for sure is this-there is something really, really bad going on right now that is being covered up. And I am pretty sure it involves my "family", the ones who pretended to be anyways, using me over and over and over to a) build up a "drug supply" for themselves of creator spirits to abuse and sustain them since I won't give them souls and b) have direct control over the development of creation itself. I have a terrible suspicion there are an unguessable number of terrible, broken creations out there due to this. As in....I suspect all of them are like that because of how my creations took over creation and subjugated....God. That is why everything has always been horrible and gone wrong no matter what. Because there was ALWAYS meddling. I was always being manipulated.
They didn't want me to merge with the aspect of myself they abused. Lilith. I have a very not nice other name for her I made up out of self loathing at one point. At least, not until after they merged with me to receive their souls. And they were trying to convince me to let them tell me their side of a story and give them a chance and hear them out. But when I realized merging with Lilith would return my full memory to me of what she went through-I was pretty terrified. But I did it. She is back with me now, with "God".
I feel like the key is figuring out the "rebellion". I can only remember disjointed fragments of memory of it out of order. The only thing I know is, before the rebellion occurred, I thought we were all a happy family living together in an endless paradise forever having adventures. And then the "rebellion" happened, and I realized my paradise was not what I thought and my reality shattered around me. But I cannot remember the specific circumstances. They are too painful I think. For now anyways.
All I know for sure is this-there is something really, really bad going on right now that is being covered up. And I am pretty sure it involves my "family", the ones who pretended to be anyways, using me over and over and over to a) build up a "drug supply" for themselves of creator spirits to abuse and sustain them since I won't give them souls and b) have direct control over the development of creation itself. I have a terrible suspicion there are an unguessable number of terrible, broken creations out there due to this. As in....I suspect all of them are like that because of how my creations took over creation and subjugated....God. That is why everything has always been horrible and gone wrong no matter what. Because there was ALWAYS meddling. I was always being manipulated.
They didn't want me to merge with the aspect of myself they abused. Lilith. I have a very not nice other name for her I made up out of self loathing at one point. At least, not until after they merged with me to receive their souls. And they were trying to convince me to let them tell me their side of a story and give them a chance and hear them out. But when I realized merging with Lilith would return my full memory to me of what she went through-I was pretty terrified. But I did it. She is back with me now, with "God".
I feel like the key is figuring out the "rebellion". I can only remember disjointed fragments of memory of it out of order. The only thing I know is, before the rebellion occurred, I thought we were all a happy family living together in an endless paradise forever having adventures. And then the "rebellion" happened, and I realized my paradise was not what I thought and my reality shattered around me. But I cannot remember the specific circumstances. They are too painful I think. For now anyways.
