Remembered something not very nice about myself
I was thinking. Why didn't all spirits incarnate? And also, how all the spirits lately that come to me seem to know me and refer to me by the same name, a particular aspect/path of mine, as some may call it. I realized that was really bizarre. All spirits have a vast multitude of names pretty much, unless they were like just made. So why would they all refer to me by that particular name?
And I realized......that was because that was the aspect of myself that those spirits are familiar with. That is what they know me by best.
And I realized......if that aspect of myself is what they know me by best.....then these are ALL spirits who have been wickedly, wickedly bad to me. These are ALL very very corrupted spirits, due to their abuse of me.
And I realized......at the time I made my "soul" plan.....I HATED these spirits. I was furious with them for how they had treated me. And so I did not make souls for them. They did not receive my "notes" or piece of my energy that sustains them or my love. Because I wanted them to die. I fully intended to abandon them to fade away without me. I only brought spirits I genuinely liked to earth, that had always treated me well. That is why I got along so well with humans and loved them. Because they were all creations of mine I loved dearly already.
But my decision to abandon those select spirits had absolutely disastrous consequences that I did not foresee-my creations were clever and powerful and found alternate, terrible ways to sustain themselves apart from me.
Also, honestly I am just older now and more mature and understand more. I understand now how things went wrong, and it didn't mean those spirits that behaved that way were purely evil, or even that I truly hated them. I realized being exposed to my pure energy too soon had just made them really really sick. They are ALL addicts of my energy, the non-human spirits remaining. That is why I have had such terrible experiences with them, and have to banish them and protect myself from them constantly. I think the dream I had with all the hands reaching out to grab me, to touch me, were not the hands of creation. It was the hands of the creation that I had abandoned.
And now I understand why. They have been DESPERATELY trying to get my attention, or prove themselves to me in some way, that they deserve a soul of their own. They are terrified to die and don't want to. But I didn't even give them a chance to redeem themselves. I refused and basically said sorry you fucked up. You're irredeemable. Fuck off and die.
And I can't imagine how that must have felt. Their creator telling them that. No wonder they just went absolutely insane and are the way they are. I have STARVED them of me, literally been trying to kill them off for so long. That was unbelievably cruel when everything is the way it is because of flaws in my design to begin with.
So I am righting this great wrong of mine now. I am letting them come to me. The ones I originally called "irredeemable." "Beyond salvation." Because I realized-that's just not the case. At all. And I am doing my best to try to work with them. To heal both myself, and them. To remember what we all meant to each other originally. To restore them. I want them to have souls now too.
And I understand how I am meant to do it. Oh. This is going to be an......overwhelming process. To put it very, very mildly.
I understand now why there is SO MUCH repression amongst them and obsession with reputations. It's because they were dubbed the "bad guys". They were trying to clear their names. Some just gave up and I think did fade away in despair. But the ones that are still left, they REALLY don't want to die. I understand now what they have been asking of me and why, but they are going about it in the COMPLETELY wrong way because they are so sick from corruption.
So I realized.....I have to help them come back to their original states. I have to help them overcome their corruption and become their original selves again. And then I will be able to try to go about the process to give them souls. Which is all they ever wanted. To be included with everyone else. They were not to blame for what happened.
And I realized......that was because that was the aspect of myself that those spirits are familiar with. That is what they know me by best.
And I realized......if that aspect of myself is what they know me by best.....then these are ALL spirits who have been wickedly, wickedly bad to me. These are ALL very very corrupted spirits, due to their abuse of me.
And I realized......at the time I made my "soul" plan.....I HATED these spirits. I was furious with them for how they had treated me. And so I did not make souls for them. They did not receive my "notes" or piece of my energy that sustains them or my love. Because I wanted them to die. I fully intended to abandon them to fade away without me. I only brought spirits I genuinely liked to earth, that had always treated me well. That is why I got along so well with humans and loved them. Because they were all creations of mine I loved dearly already.
But my decision to abandon those select spirits had absolutely disastrous consequences that I did not foresee-my creations were clever and powerful and found alternate, terrible ways to sustain themselves apart from me.
Also, honestly I am just older now and more mature and understand more. I understand now how things went wrong, and it didn't mean those spirits that behaved that way were purely evil, or even that I truly hated them. I realized being exposed to my pure energy too soon had just made them really really sick. They are ALL addicts of my energy, the non-human spirits remaining. That is why I have had such terrible experiences with them, and have to banish them and protect myself from them constantly. I think the dream I had with all the hands reaching out to grab me, to touch me, were not the hands of creation. It was the hands of the creation that I had abandoned.
And now I understand why. They have been DESPERATELY trying to get my attention, or prove themselves to me in some way, that they deserve a soul of their own. They are terrified to die and don't want to. But I didn't even give them a chance to redeem themselves. I refused and basically said sorry you fucked up. You're irredeemable. Fuck off and die.
And I can't imagine how that must have felt. Their creator telling them that. No wonder they just went absolutely insane and are the way they are. I have STARVED them of me, literally been trying to kill them off for so long. That was unbelievably cruel when everything is the way it is because of flaws in my design to begin with.
So I am righting this great wrong of mine now. I am letting them come to me. The ones I originally called "irredeemable." "Beyond salvation." Because I realized-that's just not the case. At all. And I am doing my best to try to work with them. To heal both myself, and them. To remember what we all meant to each other originally. To restore them. I want them to have souls now too.
And I understand how I am meant to do it. Oh. This is going to be an......overwhelming process. To put it very, very mildly.
I understand now why there is SO MUCH repression amongst them and obsession with reputations. It's because they were dubbed the "bad guys". They were trying to clear their names. Some just gave up and I think did fade away in despair. But the ones that are still left, they REALLY don't want to die. I understand now what they have been asking of me and why, but they are going about it in the COMPLETELY wrong way because they are so sick from corruption.
So I realized.....I have to help them come back to their original states. I have to help them overcome their corruption and become their original selves again. And then I will be able to try to go about the process to give them souls. Which is all they ever wanted. To be included with everyone else. They were not to blame for what happened.
26-30, F