I don't know what I want

I think God wants me to decide for myself if I want to allow spirits in my life or not, ultimately. Here is the thing: ideally I wouldn't deal with spirits at all until I was a lot more educated. There is just too much I don't know right now that I feel causes a lot of issues and unnecessary drama. However-I don't seem to have that choice. I continously attract things. And there is that one spirit that is just deadset on being in my life no matter what. So when I choose to "shut out" spirits, it ends up just turning into me constantly having to be on the defensive, regularly banishing, doing protection work, etc. As some have recommended, attending and involving myself in church provides some protection, but I don't have the energy to leave my own room somedays, much less maintain this robust production required to completely keep away all spirits. It is exhausting to keep up. Exhausting. I feel like people who just say to pray or just fight all the time have never actually dealt with spirits. It takes energy to fight. I just don't always have it in me. Sometimes it is easier to just let them come and try to make peace.

There is a part of me that is very drawn to spirits as well, which we all share I think. Desire for a connection with something greater than ourselves. Or a connection with the other side in general. But I recognize this is a sort of morbid curiosity and don't think I would keep spirits in my life for this reason alone. I think it is just a lot of work keeping everything away from me and I'm tired of it.