Please help me

I have been through the suicidal thoughts because I felt left out, I felt like life wanted to put me through lots of shit handling toxicity in people over and over and over again, sometimes a person finds a cure by having suicidal thoughts but don’t do that to yourself, because you may never know, your neighbor next door would be one of the victims of suicidal thoughts and kill himself to tell you to stop with these foolish thoughts because your life is precious.
It happened to me, a young guy in his 20’s killed himself with overdosages and this was the universe telling me to stop with the suicidal thoughts.
I can’t bare seeing anyone in my life going through suicidal thoughts in his head in my future and just ignore and leave him behind, I can know quickly if my person is not feeling well and he is having weird conversations inside his head, by seeing him watching tv in the dark and a bottle of Dewers is on the coffee table with a glass 🥃 on his hand and he is drinking it like as if it is a cure to make him forget what he heard from other people, I would ball my eyes out to know that he feels like he is a burden in my life and it is better if he is gone so that whoever wants to have me by force can have me, when I could be someone who have wished years and years for someone like him. I have become someone who would truly call the wife and/or family household of whoever wants to cause separation between me and whoever looks at me as his world, to stop the bullshit of whatever that woman’s husband is doing to my person, because whoever truly loves me has handled years of his life fighting everyone who told him not to come near me and stood against others to have me. I would never forgive myself if he has these suicidal ideation and I don’t work hard on talking to him and forcing him to speak up, no one has ever thought of understanding me, so why let someone live the same way I lived and handled?

How can I live when I hate God the Father and cannot not acknowledge Him? But someone commented and mentioned to me that God the Father is the Holy Spirit. Is this true?

Because I discovered, after a long period of my life, that I worship a God who is unable to conceive and uses others to give birth to a son from his wife.

First, stop and breathe. It’s like the tower of Babel in here.

If you’re angry with God to the point of divide, you’re doing spirituality wrong. And of course you can have an impasse with your God and live a whole life.

But it might be more beneficial to listen to the Universe. Let your soul answer its own call and style along its chosen frequency. You have to conform to nothing and God can take a little criticism.

My problem is that I want to be convinced and understand why God the Father did this so that I can live. Can you live while you hate God the Father, or can you live by ignoring Him and not recognizing Him

What drives you to suicidal thoughts?
I would like to hear you out if you want to dm

So your prob. is thoughts of suicide?