When you have spent time in a religious cult.

It takes years to start putting your life back together. At first you miss it and are full of guilt. You begin to think everything you are doing is wrong. You worry that every move might be sinful and you will go to hell for it. Because of all the brain washing you received. You can feel frustrated and angry at the same time for feeling this way. You try other paths but always go back to God out of fear. Trying anything new results in sleep paralysis and nightmares usually about demons and hell. You think these are God punishing you so you fearfully go back to him. You are angry because you feel trapped, isolated and alone. As the years go by you get braver and try more new things and decide these weird experiences are all in your mind. You try other things new ways of being and new spiritualities. God maybe is put on the back burner or you may bring him along for the ride. The nightmares and sleep paralysis stop. At first there is alot of confusion about how to be me without the cult without the old behaviours. But with time you start to find yourself. When you do then life feels new like you are opening your eyes for the first time. You start to realise that you need to live without this fear and although it can still arise at times you can see that it can't hurt you anymore. Others often try to sway you from your path. Those who are still stuck on these destructive religious paths. Those who are blinded by the same fear you were. You need to stick up for yourself. Life is for living, you have much to learn and experience. You no longer want to waste time worrying about sin, death and hell. You want to tell others that they can be free too. That they can do anything they want with their life. That their path is their own whatever they choose to believe. You don't hate Christians you just want to help them heal if they need help getting away from the brainwashing and dogma. But you do hate Christianity for all it's judgement and pushing people down. For it's control tactics and for robbing lives of the freedom of expression. I live with my boyfriend and if I had a £1 for every time I've been told I'm living in sin and I'm going to hell I'd be very rich. For living with someone who is disabled and needs my help?. What kind of religion should teach Such a thing. To put religion before compassion makes no sense to me. That makes me very angry. So if any of this resonates with you and you'd like someone to talk to who has been there please reach out to me.