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What can I do to help my parents stop worrying about my faith? [Spirituality & Religion]

I was raised atheist, by atheist parents. Recently, fortunately, I've come to accept Jesus as my Lord and Saviour. My parents do not like that. They are geniunely afraid I'll end up in a cult because of my belief in God.

What can I do to make it easier for them? I don't want to compromise my Christian values (even though it's not like they cause conflicts with their lifestyle that much anyway), but I don't want them to worry so much about me, there's simply no need for it.

I've been trying to act lovingly and acceptingly towards them even when we argue about faith, which seems to work. Any further advice?

Similar personal experiences are also welcome.

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LadyGrace · 70-79

Never argue your faith. Just quietly accept each other as you are. You might tell them that you are sorry, you love them, but you will just have to agree to disagree on this one subject. I congratulate you on your decision . Let nothing stand in your way nor defeat you. You are a Christian soldier now . And as such, we stand to the end , not wavering in our faith or decision. It doesn't matter who agrees or disagrees with us. We know who we are in Christ. That won't change. Satan is just trying to disrupt your world since you became a Christian. He's trying to make your life miserable and test you, to see if you will stay in the faith and remain faithful even in hard times. We are MORE than conquerors through Christ. No turning back. How we conduct ourselves, shows Christ exactly how much we love him . Carry-on brother . I'm so proud of you.

Melpomene · 26-30, F

I was raised by parents that "respect tradition" (we used to celebrate Christmas, Easter.. with a nicer lunch + gifts for the kids) but when I was a kid (around 10 or 11) I started going to church, praying, going to our religious classes in school etc. Even though they weren't scolding me, they did think I'm being a bit too much religious and Mum even called me a "religious fanatic" due to me being curious and researching about different religions. Early, I learnt not to talk much about it because, by our beliefs, religion is an individual choice and we shouldn't force our beliefs onto someone else. I wasn't causing any problems, they knew where I was on Sundays and the only "problem", if I can call it that way, would be my Mum forcing me to eat because I haven't told her I'm fasting and me stopping my fast because I didn't want her to feel bad and I knew she put a lot of effort. Nowadays, they seem more open to it, but I still tend to discuss it only when (and if) they ask me something about it, or if the conversation is going in that direction of course. When I'm home, I tell them when I'll be preparing my own meals and ask if anyone wants to make them the same thing (not forcing them to fast, I learnt to cook because I needed it for my fasting and sometimes I can make something very good so I ask them if they want the same for breakfast/lunch/dinner). Not sure if this helps though 😅

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Boallods · 26-30, M

@Melpomene I hope to do research in evolutionary psychology one day, and have used evopsychology in my work. I see no point where science and faith would collide. "Scientia" means "knowledge", and if someone believes knowledge is contrary to faith - then he doesn't really believe.

They know I'm scientifically oriented. I'm certain about doing a PhD in psychology. And yet...

My society is dominantly secular, so I can't hope on gaining points there, either. They tell me I should "fit in".

I know my parents want the best for me; but they see the best of me in atheism. Consequently, their approach cannot be open-minded.

They didn't "mock me"... Though my father, having heard me saying I believe in an afterlife, openly said something along the lines of: "I'm sorry you weren't there when we were moving the dead body of your [long diseased] grandfather, you'd see what your "afterlife" is like".

Call it what you want. God forbid.

Melpomene · 26-30, F

@Boallods that's because you don't see it now. The problem is there are more religions and different views in this world. Who is rightful enough to decide what's correct and what's wrong? Of course we will all stand by our beliefs. Scientia means knowledge and knowledge means something that's investigated and understood. Faith means you absolutely believe in something and you know it's right even if you can't explain it.
So what if it is? What's stopping you from "fitting in", if that's what you want?
Well, it looks like you weren't exaggerating when you said all of you are stubborn. They want the best for you because you're their child. Once they see you're you and not in a cult...they should understand, right?
That's because we see it differently from atheists.
I hope you don't mind me asking, but why are you so...uhm, upset by them not accepting you? Are they pushing you that much?

Boallods · 26-30, M

@Melpomene What stops me fron fitting in? Both my personality and my faith. I abominate popculture. I watch no movies, listen to religious music, I make no sexual or foolish jokes, etc, you see what I mean. I don't wanna fit in. Did Jesus want us to fit in? No. He knew the world would hate us.

Even though they'd see I'm not in a cult know, they'd still say I will be, one day. It's vain.

Who's right to determine what's correct? Lord our God is. Obviously.

No, I don't mind you asking at all. In fact, thank you for your interest.
I care for three reasons: 1) I live under their roof (for now), and therefore under their rules. If they wish to ban me from meeting my friends etc, they can. 2) I love them; so I don't want them to worry. 3) The Fourth Commandment tells us to honor our parents. Their being the way they are makes it harder for me to fullfil this Commandment.

I don't care equally as much if the unfaithful accept me or not. The faithful do, and that's what's important to me. This could be the wrong attitude - I'm not necessarily endorsing it - but that's just who I am.

Mamapolo2016 · F

My folks were Christian and rode out a series of issues of faith with me and some of my siblings.

Probably the best way is to keep a cool head, both regarding your beliefs, and their worry/criticism about them. If they won’t go to worship with you, at least on a surveillance mission, introduce them to some of your friends so they can see they don’t wear cultish robes and shave their heads.

It stands to reason it will feel alien to them, just as it does to parents with faith when their child announces they don’t believe.

Live by your principles but don’t shut them out.

Boallods · 26-30, M

@Mamapolo2016 I do have to admit my additude is a little bit arogant when talking to them about these things.

I'm in no way excusing myself - only God can do that - but the simple minded, paranoid arguments they offer, irritate me. Plus they treat me like a crazy person, implying I should be visiting a psychiatrist because of my faith.

But I know what Jesus wants me to do, and I'll try to give my best.

Mamapolo2016 · F

There are few things more frustrating than discovering what you believe to be the truth - and being treated like a maniac.

When you believe something they consider irrational, they are going to treat you as though you are not in your right mind. One of the issues believers have is anger at that.

I don’t think they can help what they believe unless or until something happens to change that.

Your mission is not to argue them into submission or at least silence. God does not need a defense attorney.

Your mission is to show by your actions that you are changed for the better by your choices. Cool head, warm heart, unfailing love.

I am remembering a friend of mine (she was raised devout Catholic, me as a Baptist) going with me to a seriously fundamentalist tent revival meeting. It was wild. People were dancing and yelling “Hallelujah for the fire!”, leaping over the rows of chairs, speaking in tongues. I don’t mock that - people worship how they worship. My Catholic friend clutched my arm and whispered, “Are they going to hurt us?”

That’s how your parents feel when you talk about believing something they don’t comprehend. Be gentle with them.

When they speak of their worry and want you to ‘talk to somebody about this,’ reassure them that you have no inclination to chop off the heads of non-believers, and that you are sad they are worried about you, but if you all are a little patient, they will at least see where you are going is not dangerous.

Gamalon · 31-35, M

Hey Boallods, I’m glad to hear that you are Seeking Jesus in your life. It seems lime you have two parents who do seem to care about you and love you but they do not understand the walk you are on just yet. As you grow in faith, seek out a good bible so that you have something to refresh your heart and mind. The reason why I suggest it is that the words of scripture help in in many ways to be gentle and compassionate to those who disagree with us. One verse Romans 12:18 says “If it is possible, as far as it depends on you live in peace with everyone.”

The only time evangelizing (helping other to come to Jesus) with WORDS seems to be effective for the most part is when
1. The people open up to YOU with an open mind and a willing heart. This means that they are curious or interested in your beliefs NOT FOR THE SAKE OR ARGUMENT but for reflection and understanding.
2. People APPROACH you to ask you to pray for them and to help them grow. At these times you share YOUR STORY and why you believe, not trying to make it perfect and masterful, but in your own personal words.

Sometimes there IS NO GOOD TIME for words because ppl are not willing to hear them But by walking in faith (see below) and living in goodness, you may touch their hearts and keep the peace.

Lastly, to address your issue of your parents working about you following a “cult” (which IS a legit concern for parents even of Christian faiths) is to still be you. You were made to be you. And only you can be you. As you walk in faith continue to be kind, generous, civil and all the moralistic things they taught you, God and Jesus will build you up to be the best “you” you can be. But it will still be uniquely you. Not Disciple 90210

I hope this helps.

Boallods · 26-30, M

@Gamalon Thank you, Gamalon, for such a lengthy response.

The question was not about me, as you may noticed (at least, I intended it not to be). Though I am troubled when conflicts such as these happen, I have the Holy Spirit to comfort me.

I read the Bible everyday (with occasional slips). But I'm a new convert, a new saint, so I'm more focused on doctrinaire issues in the Bible, rather than the Bible as a comforter.

I hear you what you say about ppl not wanting to hear our message. My parents approach me with the explicit intent of "leading me back to the right path". Little use of arguing there.

Again, I'm a new convert, so I am yet to see what God has intended for me and my life. I can't hope to know that right away, but I can that I might, one day.

CuriousCutie · F

They do not understand, and besides prayer- there is nothing you can do to make them understand. As a Christian- your relationship with Jesus comes before that with your parents. We cannot and should not expect non believers to understand our Faith. It is like a foreign language to them.

Carazaa · F

I have the same experience with my Mom. Listen to my video about curses and you'll see that God has commanded us to love honor our parents. But at the same time Jesus says that we must honor him first and we will be blessed if we leave even parents if they hate us.

Troy123 · 22-25, M

Just start speaking in tongues and tell them they are going to Hell for everything. I'm a Christian and it works for me.

Pfuzylogic · M

@Troy123 which denomination? 🤔

Pfuzylogic · M

What denomination do you belong to now?

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Boallods · 26-30, M

@Pfuzylogic They have really simplistic views about religion. They seem to be paranoid about every denomination.

I will consider this, but I can't claim to belong to a church when I don't.

Pfuzylogic · M

@Boallods
It takes the Holy Spirit to be saved.
God will no take you to a place that can’t be completed. If your biggest concern is to give your parents peace then there are many mainstream denominations.

Boallods · 26-30, M

@Pfuzylogic "God will no[t] take you to a place that can't be completed" - what do you mean by this, exactly?

Troy123 · 22-25, M

@Pfuzylogic First Self Righteous Church.

Pfuzylogic · M

@Troy123
Sounds like a cult

Troy123 · 22-25, M

@Pfuzylogic You should come to our next meeting.

Carazaa · F

[media=https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EfhO3bLjRuU]

bijouxbroussard · F

The only thing you can do is live your life. I had the opposite problem with some relatives (not my parents, thankfully) when I left the church. I didn’t go wild, I was basically the same person with the same morals I’d always held. Just no longer needed the dogma. So they calmed down.

Boallods · 26-30, M

@bijouxbroussard I can't say my morals haven't changed, but my everyday behavior is, if anything, more loving and caring. Yet they still worry.

Funny how your relatives seem only to care about what you do, and not what you believe in. Doesn't Christ say otherwise? And my parents do care about what I believe and not what I do, though not in a very godly manner:)

bijouxbroussard · F

@Boallods They also know about free will. So there’s nothing they can do about my beliefs.

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