Should I not be Christian anymore? [Spirituality & Religion]

So my lover is Christian as well as their family. Most of my family is also Christian. I don’t wanna let them down or feel awkward at family gatherings. I personally don’t feel comfortable being Christian (because of past experiences) and feel like I should follow my own path, but I feel weird doing that too. It’s like your whole world does something different than you and it feels strange to not be a part of any of that anymore and I want advice on how to handle this. I really like Buddhism and paganism. I also feel it’s wrong to push your religion onto others and that’s one of the issues I have with Christianity.