I Hate Women Who Abuse Men And Children

I got called to a women's refuge again the night before last. Two of the residents had been stabbed by one of the others in a fight. It was probably about drugs again, it usually is. The situation was so volatile we had to wait for the police to restrain some of the women before we could go in.

These are all women who claim to be fleeing from violent men but they are amongst the most violent people I've ever encountered. If their male partners actually did hit them, which I doubt, it was almost certainly in self-defence.

This page is a permanent link to the reply below and its nested replies. See all post replies »

Mamapolo2016 · F

May I ask in what capacity you were called to the shelter?

It’s quite true that domestic violence runs through society in veins like coal is found in veins underground.

The women you speak of, and their men and their children were raised in violence and live in violence. They are frequently in self-defense mode 24/7, which translates to ‘the best defense is a good offense.’

It’s not terribly likely (although not impossible) that their men are docile and pacifist. Odds are the violence is mutually inflicted.
As the desensitization to violence is passed down generation to generation it becomes unremarkable to both victim and perpetrator. It’s how life is.

Caroline259 · 56-60, F

@Mamapolo2016 I'm a paramedic with an ambulance service. In my experience, a significant percentage of domestic abuse incidents involve violent women attacking non-violent men. I agree the majority of incidents involve mutual violence.

Mamapolo2016 · F

@Caroline259 I realized after I asked you were likely a first responder.

I am not disagreeing with your experience, nor could I.

I was deeply involved in a DV women’s shelter for years - and originally domestic violence was predominantly male against female. It did begin to change character in that women began to fight back and so it became mutual violence over time, although the woman may have chosen today when her husband was passed out to exact her revenge for the beating she took last weekend.

This is not meant to imply that all women are innocent victims nor that all abused men ‘started it.’

Thank you for your service and the courage to go in when everybody else is running out.

Caroline259 · 56-60, F

@Mamapolo2016 DV was never all male on female. Female on male was always just as prevalent, the only thing that's changed is that society is starting to recognize that fact.

Do you remember seaside postcards or Andy Capp cartoons where the scowling wife was waiting with a rolling pin, ready to batter her husband as he arrived home? Would it have been acceptable if the sexes were reversed?

Mamapolo2016 · F

@Caroline259 I didn’t say exclusively male on female...I said at one time it was in my experience predominantly male on female.

Truth is it doesn’t matter which sex is committing the violence. It’s wrong across the boards, in both straight and same gender couples.

Have a good evening.

Caroline259 · 56-60, F

@Mamapolo2016 My experience differs, the majority of cases I attend involve female on male violence. I only get called to incidents involving serious injury so the ratio involving minor or no injuries might be different. All the independent studies have found DV to be roughly 50:50 with some finding slightly more female on male - partly due to different definitions.

The vast majority of incidents involving male victims of female attackers go unreported or unrecorded. Male victims frequently report being told "it's not a police matter" when they do try to report it. In some cases, the male victim is even arrested as the attacker. My own husband was a victim of DV at the hands of his former wife so I have a good understanding of the hurdles male victims face.

Mamapolo2016 · F

@Caroline259 I see. As I said, I won’t argue with your experience. That would be arrogant.