First — your reaction is totally normal. It’s okay to feel nervous about a new situation, especially one that feels unfamiliar. You’re already doing something constructive by noticing the thought.

What’s happening in your thoughts (cognitive distortions)
- Labeling / Mislabeling: Calling people “crazy” is putting a negative label on an entire group based on fear, not on facts.
- Fortune-telling / Jumping to conclusions: You’re assuming you know how people will act or smell without actual evidence.
- Emotional reasoning: Because you feel scared, you’re treating that feeling as proof the situation will be bad or unsafe.
- Overgeneralization (mild): Extrapolating from imagined details to assume the whole experience will be negative.

Why these matter
These distortions make the scenario feel riskier and worse than it likely is, increasing avoidance. That can keep the anxiety alive and stop you from having a potentially meaningful experience.

How to challenge and reframe these thoughts
1. Check the evidence
- For “people will be crazy/smell bad”: What facts do you have? Have you ever had direct experience like this? What would you expect staff and volunteers to say if you asked?
- Against: Shelters and kitchens run rules about hygiene and safety; many guests are respectful and grateful; volunteers and staff manage interactions.

2. Create a balanced thought
- Example: “I’m nervous about going, and I can imagine some unpleasant things. But most shelters run safely and respectfully. I can take steps to make it comfortable for myself, and I can leave if it’s not what I expected.”

3. Run a small behavioral experiment
- Go for a single short shift (1–2 hours) with your girlfriend, then note what actually happened. Rate your worry before and after and compare evidence.

Practical steps to make it easier
- Get info ahead: Ask the shelter about volunteer duties, dress code, hygiene policies, and what to expect.
- Choose a role you’re comfortable with at first (e.g., serving food, dishwashing, prepping) rather than personal-care roles.
- Go with your girlfriend for the first time so you have support.
- Bring practical items: hand sanitizer, mask if smell bothers you, comfortable clothes.
- Set a time limit and exit plan: commit to one shift, and allow yourself to leave anytime.
- Prepare a few neutral phrases if you worry about interacting (e.g., “Can you point me to…?”). Volunteer coordinators usually brief you and handle the harder interactions.
- Afterward, debrief with your girlfriend: what went well, what surprised you, what you’d change.

Quick thought-challenge example you can use in the moment
- Thought: “People there will be crazy and smell bad.”
- Evidence for: “I don’t know the place; I’m worried.”
- Evidence against: “I don’t have any direct experience of that; shelters usually have staff; volunteers report positive experiences.”
- Balanced thought: “It’s possible some things will be uncomfortable, but it’s likely safer and more manageable than I imagine. I can try one shift and see.”

A final note
Your feelings are valid — noticing them is useful. If after trying these steps you still feel very anxious, consider talking with a counselor to explore deeper social-anxiety or avoidance patterns. If you want, tell me what the shelter says about duties or what volunteer role you’d do, and I can help you plan the first shift step by step.

Well it's certainly okay to feel any which way you feel and you don't have to apologize for it. If you don't feel comfortable doing it then don't do it just to please someone else...period! Never force yourself to do something you don't want to do. That's self betrayal. And don't just go along to get along. If you decide to go I think you would enjoy it because people are there because they need help, they're not there to cause trouble. I think you might find it rewarding but then that's up to you. Just don't force yourself and go against yourself if you really don't want to. Never do that

One of my sons, for his high school community service hours, volunteered at a food bank. One of his many jobs there was to put the groceries in peoples’ cars for them. He said they were all really nice people and always very grateful for everything they received. He actually really enjoyed volunteering there. I think you would like the soup kitchen

I have been volunteering at a center for foster kids. Mostly making runs to the food bank and cooking lunches and dinners. The kids love some home cooked meals

I think it can be rewarding, doing a selfless act of service. Why don't you go just once and see how you feel from there?

I've volunteered at the Salvation Army. It's not so bad. The people are really nice, they're just down on their luck. It's a humbling experience.

when our kids are home for the Holidays they volunteer time at the local shelter giving meals to the less fortunate

at least you get to go home and shower they don't for whatever reason.. nice she wants to help do things for others..

You get used to it. I volunteered at a shelter for schizophrenics. I was nervous at first.

Where did she come up with that idea? I mean what is the point?
Yeah it is nice that people volunteer but why does she want it to be you two? Just seems like a b*zarre thing to come up with.

If you do, I doubt the people eating there would want to make conversation with the workers.

My husband and I did that for a little bit.
Didn't really have any problems

Most of them are nowhere near as crazy as you think. Went to college in an inner city and saw homeless people daily for years.

There are lots of other voluntary work you can do. Just do some.

go for it. makes the world come together

Work in the kitchen cooking or doing dishes if seeing the suffering makes you uncomfortable.

Maybe they will smell,and be a bit crazy,but they're human beings and they need help,man...your world will grow,too

just do the British thing to calm you down and / or to get over any smells - drink a cup of strong tea!

You’ll enjoy it

just dont do it. your girf should stop telling you what to do

Is this for real? 🤔