First — your reaction is totally normal. It’s okay to feel nervous about a new situation, especially one that feels unfamiliar. You’re already doing something constructive by noticing the thought.
What’s happening in your thoughts (cognitive distortions)
- Labeling / Mislabeling: Calling people “crazy” is putting a negative label on an entire group based on fear, not on facts.
- Fortune-telling / Jumping to conclusions: You’re assuming you know how people will act or smell without actual evidence.
- Emotional reasoning: Because you feel scared, you’re treating that feeling as proof the situation will be bad or unsafe.
- Overgeneralization (mild): Extrapolating from imagined details to assume the whole experience will be negative.
Why these matter
These distortions make the scenario feel riskier and worse than it likely is, increasing avoidance. That can keep the anxiety alive and stop you from having a potentially meaningful experience.
How to challenge and reframe these thoughts
1. Check the evidence
- For “people will be crazy/smell bad”: What facts do you have? Have you ever had direct experience like this? What would you expect staff and volunteers to say if you asked?
- Against: Shelters and kitchens run rules about hygiene and safety; many guests are respectful and grateful; volunteers and staff manage interactions.
2. Create a balanced thought
- Example: “I’m nervous about going, and I can imagine some unpleasant things. But most shelters run safely and respectfully. I can take steps to make it comfortable for myself, and I can leave if it’s not what I expected.”
3. Run a small behavioral experiment
- Go for a single short shift (1–2 hours) with your girlfriend, then note what actually happened. Rate your worry before and after and compare evidence.
Practical steps to make it easier
- Get info ahead: Ask the shelter about volunteer duties, dress code, hygiene policies, and what to expect.
- Choose a role you’re comfortable with at first (e.g., serving food, dishwashing, prepping) rather than personal-care roles.
- Go with your girlfriend for the first time so you have support.
- Bring practical items: hand sanitizer, mask if smell bothers you, comfortable clothes.
- Set a time limit and exit plan: commit to one shift, and allow yourself to leave anytime.
- Prepare a few neutral phrases if you worry about interacting (e.g., “Can you point me to…?”). Volunteer coordinators usually brief you and handle the harder interactions.
- Afterward, debrief with your girlfriend: what went well, what surprised you, what you’d change.
Quick thought-challenge example you can use in the moment
- Thought: “People there will be crazy and smell bad.”
- Evidence for: “I don’t know the place; I’m worried.”
- Evidence against: “I don’t have any direct experience of that; shelters usually have staff; volunteers report positive experiences.”
- Balanced thought: “It’s possible some things will be uncomfortable, but it’s likely safer and more manageable than I imagine. I can try one shift and see.”
A final note
Your feelings are valid — noticing them is useful. If after trying these steps you still feel very anxious, consider talking with a counselor to explore deeper social-anxiety or avoidance patterns. If you want, tell me what the shelter says about duties or what volunteer role you’d do, and I can help you plan the first shift step by step.
