Why do I want a man special friend although I only want it to be platonic?

@in10RjFox thank you. But you cuddle And then the pressure for more comes.

@in10RjFox AND I don’t think you realize how active some people in my age group are

@Stuffy let it come.. it's always like that.. you should also know how to control. Those active people must be part of a group which you too need to be part of.

@Stuffy I think you are right @in10RjFox does not know how active our age group is for both men and women. [quote] For the age group you are in, most of them are in some old age care or just live within their house after ending their outgoing life. [/quote] this statement alone expresses how little @in10RjFox understands our age group. I couldn’t help but laugh when I read it.

@in10RjFox just to make it clear, I still work, have an active sex life, and do not live in an old age care home or just live within my house and my outgoing life is nowhere near its end. Many people older than me are thriving and living their life. We are not old or just waiting in our house for life to pass us by.

@Stuffy I suspect we are similar, your desire for friendship it seems you seek something deeper and more meaningful where you can share every aspect of your life and a male friend provides something special to compliment that desire. I understand this as it is how I feel. Unfortunately finding a man like that is difficult because there aren’t many who will accept friendship without benefits being part of the relationship. Just don’t give up, eventually one may cross your path. 🤗

@Luckylu thank you

@Luckylu good that I am wrong, for I only got the impression from the way she described. Hope you accept that unlike the younger ones that have an activity and occupation to mingle in groups, your age group need to go the extra length and put extra effort.

But why then it's difficult for her to find newer friends or why is she unable to be part of the group!

The morals and etiquettes of younger age sticks on like robe which makes it difficult to disrobe. Why can't a woman even at that age be like Men and just molest guys or be liberal in their hugs and kisses?

@in10RjFox First, you might want to reconsider your use of the word molest. Molest in the English dictionary means to sexually assault or abuse a person. This is not acceptable in our culture or in today’s society. I would never do that to a man.

I can’t speak for @Stuffy or even other women. We all have had different experiences in our lives and different childhoods.

I can only speak to my experiences. From my own experience and childhood, I was conditioned to believe that sex is wrong or a sin if the woman is not married. AND I was also taught that the pleasures of the flesh are also a sin. It is so ingrained in us that it can cause us to have difficulty even when married to enjoy the pleasure one can have with their spouse. Some women will only put up with sex until they can no longer have children. Once they are past child bearing years some will then refuse intimacy completely even though they love their husband.

Keep in mind this is my opinion and comes from the way I was raised and taught. Other women will have had other experiences and have other reasons for their choices.

It has taken a lot of personal work to recondition myself but I have the advantage of having been aware as a small child that I have other choices available. Even so to be intimate with someone, I have to have an emotional connection. To be friends with someone I need a connection. I find it difficult to make such connections because it is rare for me to find someone who is willing to take the time, allow themselves to become vulnerable and meet me on the level I need to be met and not let their ego get in the way and to not be judgemental in regards to what they learn about me. And set their fear aside. It is just as difficult for me to do the same.

When I enter a group of people, it never fails that within a very short time I will find myself ignored when I try to speak, or interject a thought on the topic being discussed, this by both men and women. In fact, they will speak overtop of me even if I was the first one to start talking when everyone goes quiet for a minute. Soon after I will find myself just hovering on the outer edges of the group just listening and watching because they have made it clear they don’t want to hear what I have to say which means I am not wanted within the group dynamics. Therefore, finding a friend from trying to be part of a group never works for me. And men are only ever with me if I am intimate with them. If I am not they do not hang around long. For me and people like me, sex is only a small part of a relationship. A relationship with me involves more than a physical response or a superficial discussion of likes and dislikes to make any kind of connection.

Sex without an emotional connection is just an empty act of copulation of which I find no enjoyment. And women are still viewed in a negative way by society if she gives freely and liberally of her “hugs and kisses”. To overcome this I have to not care what others think of me.

I don’t know if this answers your questions. I hope it does because I don’t know how else to explain why some women, or at least me, cannot do as you suggest. I’m just not wired that way.

@Luckylu this is exactly what I said that women singled in life after their prime go through and that's what I meant the robe as metaphor. The upbringing becomes part of the basic instinct.

I could not think of a word for molest in a lighter way just so women just let down their sensitivity gaurd.

[quote]To overcome this I have to not care what others think of me.[/quote]
Yes. That's what preparing the mind first is to answer who am I living for, Who is there to care for me , why not just date and breakup as and when, why not invite some trouble in life so there is someone calling atleast to yell ?

[quote] cannot do as you suggest. I’m just not wired that way.[/quote]
Check if it's time to rewire. What's the use of old worn-out wires !

We have all gone through that jump in life right from childhood.. learning to cycle, diving into water and even sex the first time. So it's just another phase. Else we remain being the wimp not bothered by any and not bothering any.

It's just being proactive like men .. and not wait for men to approach traditionally. Why not just talk to a stranger and say .. Hi .. you looking good or Your shirt is cool ..

Ever seen the reaction of guys ? So just make the difference.

Or why not trouble some old couple as if to snatch the man . Maybe their life will become active as compared to the sedentary lifestyle they may be in.

@Luckylu I do not want to encourage further replies from this in10rjfox. Seems pointless. Thinking he needs to tell us what is best for us and what we Should do. Rather than listening. 👎🏻

@Stuffy sure.. it's not my problem anyway. What's the use of listening to problem without working a way out. No use complaining or brooding over a situation.