Are we both red flags?

Poll - Total Votes: 10

Both are red flags

You are the red flag

He is the red flag

You may vote on multiple answers.

Last year i met a boy i really liked(i still do but anyways)everything started well until he started being rude to me, and very dry, anything would piss him off,and im a person that likes to annoy my friends so we always end up fighting.He said that im the only person he can be himself with (basically im the only one that can deal his terrible mood basically daily) and i always accepted his attitude towards me because of all his trauma and things hes going through,i wanted to be a good friend and support him.I always tried to make him happy by helping him with things he needed(he has like a huge ego so he never rlly liked my help) and buying him things he liked.Sometimes he would leave me for 4 days without saying anything of giving any explanation if i didnt ask for one.Everything was like that until probably January when i told him i liked him but he said he didnt feel the same way abt me.in may he ended up telling me he actually liked me back now but he didnt want to act like a couple bec He didnt feel ready.after that we were just acting like a couple without actually being official,he used to give me “privileges” like holding his hands and patting his head,and at some point we even had a marriage as a joke,we used to call each other hisband and wife,until last friday when we had a hangout and at some point he had to hold me so I wouldn’t fall and when we were done i asked if he could keep his hand on my back and i kinda said in a dramatic way (i was trying to make things less embarrassing) “hold me or ill cry myself to sleep” and he ended up accepting and after that day he ignored me(it makes me super sad and i get extremely moody)until today that he told me he felt pressured to say yes and that he was started to get annoyed by my flirty jokes and couple things i wanted to do with him,so we’re no longer married and he wont let me have the “privileges” anymore,but said he still want to be my friend, i cried but idek how to feel anymore.what should i do?stay with him and wait to see if he will change his mind or leave him?i know im not really the best for him but i still like him alot.anyhow his bad mood, and anger issues makes me go crazy…idk if i will be able to take it anymore

hartfire

This relationship is not healthy for either of you and the longer you stay together the more it will hurt both of you.
Each of you needs to do some therapy and some growing up - separately.

When someone is rude, even if it's "disguised" as humour, it usually means they are irritated or annoyed about something in your behaviour. If you care about the relationship, it's best to ask and get the issue sorted out.
But if they are chronically rude to everyone, then their anger issues are likely to be too deep to deal with.
Only they can cure themselves - and only if they want to.
Some people use anger to manipulate others; some use it as a defence to keep others at a distance or to get rid of them.

Helping may seem like a loving thing to do - but it tends to backfire, unless someone actually asks for specific help of some sort (and it doesn't cost you to give it).

You're worth far more than the rotten way he's been treating you.
It's far better to be single and wait (or search) for someone who will like you as much as you like them.

Ellaaarrer · 22-25, F

@hartfire honestly i always thought abt this but for some reason i cant do it, i really am attached to him and idk how to stop being

hartfire

@Ellaaarrer
Do you feel uncomfortable being alone in your own company?
Do you fear not having a companion and someone to love you?

Losing someone we love beings grief. Yes, it hurts, but it's like a huge storm or maybe a season of winter. It does pass.
As it passes, wisdom grows, and it becomes possible to attract a more functional and loving man, someone with whom you can experience mutual respect, trust and love.

Learning to enjoy being alone means things like looking after your health, spending time with friends, and having hobbies and interests you love.

If you still find it impossible to make the break, consider looking at an online list of traits [c=003BB2][u]Am-I-Co-Dependent-Bro-4002.pdf[/u][/c].
See how many tendencies match your general reactions.
If it matches, you could try going to six meetings in your local area and see if it works for you.
It's free and run by volunteers.
It's possible to get lots of support from people like you who understand exactly what you're going through - and at your own pace.