I Believe People Come Into Your Life For a Reason

I met a young man on a social website and he & I fell in love after a year of friendship. For an additional year, he and I committed to a long distance relationship with plans to one day meet.... well, I don't know what pulled us apart. He became very distant and disconnected with me which became very frustrating. I tried to be patient and understanding but his relentless moodiness was overwhelming... I broke it off w him a few times because I felt there was no way to regain what we had. At the end, he would continue to communicate by poking in and saying hi and starting small meaningless conversations but it was pointless. The hope of meeting him fizzled away... he wouldn't answer the phone when I would call and would avoid questions... out time differences are by 10 hours, so when I call or message it was timed so that it was at a decent hour for both of us.... finally, I made a move. I went out for a coffee date with someone that my friend set up. She had been trying to convince me for a long time to move on from "him" & I couldn't. One day I took a chance. I wanted to see if I was ready to move on because it was going nowhere with "him"... i met the other fellow but I was not in the moment. I was wishing I was meeting "him" for the first time at coffee... I couldn't stay. I went home and cried myself asleep. Of course I told him... he was angry; but I needed to shake him up. If he isn't here for me like I need him, then one day I may receive someone else who cares...... I had been honest with him. I never lied to him about anything. He's told me about times he'd been to dinner with females and when I'd get upset, he would "put me in my place" like it isn't a big deal "I can take her out if I want to".... I don't even know why I stayed around after that f'ing bashing...... but I guess he convinced me enough that they where "friends"...
anyway, I wonder about him..... I can't stop missing him. But logically, I figure, I only miss what I can't have & that is what I have never "had"....
he is in the Middle East and I am in the United States... I will not travel to see him. There's no point. I guess I will continue my life into death wondering what it could have been.....

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IntoMeYouSee

Yes, I'm finally coming to the realization of it all. I was so immersed in the relationship that I never thought it would end. I was my best and I loved someone from a different angle... it wasn't a sexual attraction.. it was more... he and I didn't really meet for a year after our friendship began. We Skype for the first time after a year and sparks flew when we set eyes on each other... it was like I was finally linked together with my other half.... it was something I had never experienced before in my life.

Now that I'm head above water..., I have been battling with the acceptance... he came into my life for a reason... he had been the holder of my mind, heart and soul & now I have to pick up the pieces and get to a place in life where I can trust again...

Thank you for your comment :>

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IntoMeYouSee

@OWTFWN: yes, I did just that yesterday. He reached out to me just random... I told him that it was nice of him to reach out to me but I wasn't ready to be in contact with him especially when I am not in the position to trust him and it's going to take me some time to trust and get to know him again

It's really sad, but I can't put myself in a position to give my heart to someone who doesn't put forth the effort to see me.... if he "really" loved me, wanted to have a life with me, he'd make it happen. So, I agree with you and at the same time, I don't believe this will ever progress...
plus if I went to see him, then what.... he's in a far away place, I'm here, how long can someone go on like that....
I've always told him I love him enough onwlt him go. If he found someone there that wanted to give him children, get married, etc that he should. I want him to be happy. I mean that with all of my heart. I've been married, divorced, have grown children and I'm not looking to be remarried (immediately), I have a career, a home.... and he doesn't have all of that. If he found someone there, then....... I want him to be happy.
So, my job is to let him go... I have to abide by my word...

SW-User

@NoraOnora: U sound like a nice lady, if he knows all this and yet shows his strange behaviour, you deserve better :)

IntoMeYouSee

@Goldenwonders: thank you...... I have trust in how life is going to play out. I can't go against the tide. I found that in my life the mistakes I have made (causing me anxiety and making bad decisions) was because I was trying too hard, to fight for things that in the end weren't "right"...... I have to let go.
As a parent, I have also learned that my children will one day be on their own to make a proper life for themselves and their loved ones... I guess it's been engrained in me, to let go......
ever have a fight between your heart and your mind...? Well, my fight; it's end result is not I win or lose, it's to be content and live "free"....
maybe one day, I will be brace enough to meet him in person... who knows what that will bring. But right now, I can't.
Meanwhile, he has one foot in the door & doesn't even communicate why he needs to see how I am or have a legitimate reason to contact me, which drives me kinda nuts... but I chose not to ask the questions.

SW-User

@NoraOnora: I believe you will make it through :)

If his behaviour remains the same, you deserve better and good luck :) 🤗

IntoMeYouSee

Thanks for your support :> I appreciate it very much

SW-User

@NoraOnora: Ur welcome hun 🤗

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IntoMeYouSee

@OWTFWN: Thank you :)..your'e right and that was the plan, but it didn't work out.
he attempted to get his visa for travel and was denied by the embassy in his country because he "didn't have enough money"... that was such a downer. that's when our relating began to deteriorate. he was depressed and was rethinking everything. i was going to petition for him to come out, but he never went for another appointment. his job became stressful and then, he started to hang out with his friends and lost sight of our plan......
over a year ago, i interviewed for a documentary titled "i am an American that has fallen in love with someone from another country and haven't met yet"... due to untimely circumstances, our story wasn't selected. the prize was that this company was going to fly me out to him and film our first meeting and follow us until our wedding day... they where going to fund this to happen... I kinda wish we would've been able to do that... it would've been nice

today, over a year later, i know that this man is not ready. he's not ready for anything right now. I feel that he was living a fantasy through me and his life wasn't right.so in order for him to pursue anything, he must be right with himself to be anything for anyone else.
yesterday, I he reached out to me and i kindly told him though i was happy he reached out to me, that i was not ready to communicate to him right now.... i know that must've hurt his feelings (a smidgen) but I have never been fake with my feelings to him. so, we are not speaking until I am ready. who knows, by then he may have moved on and i am sure he will be happy.
i am just gonna hang in where i am and enjoy my daily life, prepare for the future and remain healthy. i'm still healing...

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IntoMeYouSee

@OWTFWN: i really appreciate your words of knowledge. I have to admit, I am from the generation that is not as dedicated to proving rather than saying. it's sad. this is my reality. :)
'pre-historic'.. hahaha, you're in my eyes and mind "wise". thank you for shining your wisdom upon me :)

He taught me good lessons, hence why he came into my life for a reason

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IntoMeYouSee

@OWTFWN: that's number one~ Chivalry...
i'd like to learn how to take the back seat to appreciate that..