I am such a fool thinking I could ever rise above the level of poor white trash.

Maybe it's the alcohol talking because I've been drinking vodka since I got home from work or maybe it's because I'm crazy but I feel like a fool for thinking I could go higher than being poor white trash. It's not my fault I was born into a super blue collar working class family. Actually I'm technically from a broken family because my parents divorced when I was about 5 years old. When they divorced I blamed it on myself and that's actually how my brother and I got to go to disney world because my grandma overheard me blaming myself and crying about it and she felt bad .That was the only time we ever went there too and I barely remember anything about it. My brother said that I was afraid of chip and dale and I hid behind grandma but I don't believe him. Anyways back on topic here... yes America I am a stupid idiot for thinking I can have any semblance of a different life. I don't even want an obnoxious mansion or a sports car or one of those tech bro careers. No, I just want a nice little bungalow somewhere to call my own and to have a job that doesn't make me want to crash my car into a wall to avoid going in. I just want to be happy that's all I want. I want a job that provides decent money that covers all my expenses and gives me a little wiggle room for savings or fun money at the end of each check. I don't want to sit here and fantasize about slicing my wrists open each and everyday I stand behind that counter listening to someone hmm and haw about vapes and bongs and crap.

I'm trying to apply to new jobs and I'm trying to revamp my resume for each one and do this and do that and do this thing and that thing but all I get is silence. Nobody wants anything to do with me I think I'm on some blacklist somewhere in the entire state. I know that's paranoid thinking but what else can it be? I'm applying to entry level jobs and they're all laughing in my face over here. For all I know they're using my resume to roll joints with or for toilet paper which is even worse. I've even expanded my search radius to up to an hour commute just to up my chances. I really don't want to drive an hour each way but if I must I must. I understand the job market is really bad right now but so is my mental health. I seriously can't take it anymore and I'm trying to stay positive but it's all a big stupid lie and I can't keep lying to myself like this. Ugh I might as well take a page out of my stepbrothers book and commit a heinous crime and get sent to prison join a prison gang and just become a career prisoner. Oh yeah that's actually a pretty freaky story I might tell another time. Long story short he went away for manslaughter and apparently not long after my brother and I got picked up from our dad's house the lovely stepbrother charged my dad with a knife so we dodged a bullet there. Come to think of it we got pretty lucky we didn't get offed in our sleep when he was around. My stepmoms kids were older than my brother and I.