i just want to pour out my anger.

I dont wanna live anymore. Im so sick of this, i just feel so drained every damn time. When my mother left to work at Canada, everything just went downhill. I got abused by my father several times and made my life more miserable but this year, he doesnt act like that anymore, he completely changed.. although his verbal words hurt me very much. My mother is like my therapist, she comforts me everytime but sometimes SHE JUST DOESNT UNDERSTAND WHAT IVE BEEN THROUGH. SHE SOMETIMES BLAMES IT ALL TO ME AND I DONT EVEN WANNA FUCKING HEAR IT ANYMORE. Everyone in this family doesnt fucking understand me. They just shrug it off because they look down on me like im some piece of shit. I just cant seem to live another day without thinking about killing myself.

This page is a permanent link to the reply below and its nested replies. See all post replies »

hartfire · 61-69

At 18-21 you're now old enough to leave home.

It's depressing to feel trapped in an abusive situation. But there are ways to escape other than suicide; ways that offer you the potential to create a good life.

Get yourself a decent paying job. If you're not qualified, get yourself something basic like stacking supermarket shelves and use a portion of salary to train in something you'd prefer to do.
As soon as you have the income, rent a room in a share house with other young adults.

In the meantime, spend time out with friends.
When at home, keep out of your Dad's way as much as possible.
Use a "wall of polite" when you must communicate. This means answering questions directly and briefly. Using phrases like "please", "thank you" and "excuse me" whenever appropriate.
Don't answer back or react when he criticises or insults you; it would only rile him up.
Remember, it's his shit and not your fault that he is that way.

When you leave, pack your bags and make the move while he's out.
Leave him a message.
Let him know that you've moved into a rented share house.
Let him be able to contact you by phone or email, but don't give him your address. Don't give it to your mother or siblings because they might pass it on to him

If there is ever a moment when you feel in danger, leave and go to a friend's place or a women's shelter.