I Enjoy Meaningful Conversations

Seeing as so many people added this group, you could say that the majority of the population enjoys a meaningful conversation, but the difference being is that for some people that could mean talking about how much they love chocolate and for others whether there's the possibility of alternate realities. In other words; anything could be considered meaningful to discuss or debate.

As I spend time here alone today going through a maelstrom of emotions, I know that there's such a thing as being left with your own thoughts for too long and that engaging with others in meaningful ways is eventually a necessity. The trouble is when you start questioning what exactly you find meaningful, or rather, whether you have enough things in your life that you consider meaningful. How can we find meaningful conversations when we're still trying to decide what that actually means to us?

You could describe it as soul searching and I would assume that finding others that are also soul searching may give the formula for igniting a spark to heat the flames. Some of the meaningful conversations I've had have come from talking to passing strangers just looking to fill the time while they go about their travels and then there's the relationships that last a while. How lucky we are then to find someone we can share that with for a lifetime. Yet the question still remains; what do you do when so much has become meaningless?

I've had a rich past with many different experiences but it's left me wanting and maybe that's simply the nature of being human; we always tend to want more than what we currently have. Yet isn't that how we grow and evolve ourselves? We need to keep feeding the machine so we can strive to be a more advanced version. Continue to be upgraded to meet the times. How do I get my latest upgrade?

I guess all a person can do is to keep putting themselves out there, even when it seems pointless; eventually something has to click and then life won't seem like such a waiting game.

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SolitaryFriend · 41-45, M

I think he must have had an unending love and passion for science, the methods and the processes, to want to keep pursuing his work enough and that each failed attempt was extremely fascinating to want to analyse and dissect that failure due to how much he revelled in it. That, or he was just beyond stubborn.
Of course it must have definitely been that attitude and mindset of "what have I learned from this?" which also helped him through, as you pointed out.

Answering the questions you're asking can come down to the quality of our resolve; possibly our ability to emotionally detach from each event and analyse clearly and objectively about what happened much like a scientist; our ability to adapt and change to new ways of thinking, as well as new ways of perceiving things, and generally our will to take the steps to do something out of our nature. I know I've been stuck doing very similar things over and over, but part of that has come down to what is available to me in my area and due to my own limitations which I struggle to break beyond. There's that battle for things to remain the same and a battle to improve the situation; it's not uncommon for self-sabotage to occur. Sometimes we need help from dealing with ourselves.

In all of this it's important to not give up completely and be open to new opportunities as and when we encounter them, whether we create them ourselves or they just happen to come along. Also, at the heart of the main post, there's having enough hope and faith that our actions matter, that there are people out there that we can find meaning with enough and undertakings that we value enough to feel that living is actually worth it after-all.

Kerennya · 51-55, F

What things most lead you to believe that your actions matter? What things most lead you to believe that your actions DON'T matter?

SolitaryFriend · 41-45, M

It's hard to say, because it can change from day to day given where my heart and mind is at, however I'd say the feedback I get from others and the affirmations I get out of doing certain things lead me to believe that my actions matter, but then the same could be said about what leads me to believe that my actions don't matter. It's a challenge to be specific because of how I handle it.

Kerennya · 51-55, F

If you were to describe a life that you would consider meaningful, what would it look like? You've hinted at some of it, but be a little more specific, if you can.

SolitaryFriend · 41-45, M

If I had a life with a career that I enjoyed where I were truly making a difference to the lives of others for the better and if I had my own family which truly loved and accepted me for who I am, then they may be the key parts to a life that I would consider meaningful. To add to that, if I had the freedom, the passion and the drive to be creative in different ways and to go out and explore more of the world, I think that would also help.

Kerennya · 51-55, F

OK. So maybe we can't help you have all of that at once, but maybe we can help you figure out how to have a part of that. Let's start with the career part. What do you do now? Are you able to work or does your condition limit your ability to work in any way?

I'd like to tell you a story about my dad, because I think it's relevant here. When I was about 5, my dad was in a hunting accident. He and my grandfather had gone out in my grandfather's Bronco, and they were on their way back. The guns were stored in the rear of the Bronco, and the safeties were on. I don't remember now exactly what happened, but as they were driving along, something caused the safety to switch off. Then they went over a bump and one of the guns went off and hit my dad in the left armpit area. It came close to killing him, but he was lucky and the shot wasn't fatal. My grandfather got him to the hospital, where he spent about a month there before they finally let him come home. He was no longer able to raise that arm above his head, only to shoulder height. He was working in the construction field at that time, so the injury definitely affected his ability to work. He eventually wound up working in the offices as an estimator, but my mom says there was definitely a period of adjustment, and he had to learn to focus on what he could still do instead of what he couldn't and get used to asking for help if he needed to lift or raise something above shoulder height.

SolitaryFriend · 41-45, M

I can see the relevance behind your story, but while there are similarities between making those adjustments when we're afflicted with a disability there is a noticeable difference between having a physical condition and mental condition.

I'm out of work. I've been declared unfit for work due to the nature of my mental health. I've broken down and been admitted to hospital on average once a year and there's always time that's needed to readjust afterwards. I used to be far worse than I am now, but if I'm under pro-longed stress (which any kind of employment obligation brings on) then there's risk I could become overwhelmed and breakdown again. I always keep going back to doing voluntary work in some capacity, but the options are very limited here and the only real place I can be best utilised is where I can use my lived experience of mental health.

There are other issues too related to how my parents situation has affected mine.

In all of this, I think with what you have helped me to consider, there's the essence of what's important; it's the emphasis on what kinds of actions and what kinds of connections with others that will bring me meaning and purpose, so if I focus on that more so instead of the "dream" options then I can still find what I'm looking for.

Kerennya · 51-55, F

Have you ever considered something like running an online support group for people with issues similar to yours? Or maybe becoming a moderator for one of the groups at support.com or a similar site? I'm not sure what kind of commitment those groups require, but it might be worth looking into. You have a really engaging way of talking to people and I think you have what it takes to help make a difference for others during those times when you're in your right mind. And if they know you go through periods when you're not in your right mind, I would think at least a few of them would be willing to be there for you, too.

I think there's advantage, too, in doing the face-to-face groups like the one you talked about getting involved with again, so I definitely wouldn't say to stop doing that. The more little corners like that you can carve out, the better, I say!

SolitaryFriend · 41-45, M

While I have only run one offline, over the years I've spent time around different places on the internet looking to offer support and receive support from others. There's quite a contrast between the hits and misses with it in my experience.

I feel in the past chat rooms have been quite successful, but I haven't had as much success with forums and social media. The problem with online support groups is that it can all too easily become overcrowded with members and then it has a habit of loosing it's therapeutic edge. Groups of about 10 - 12 people is where you can best effectively work together. Also online, people are much more likely to have a completely different idea about what a support group should be. I'm in one on Facebook and I see all sorts of things like people talking about food they've cooked and asking people what their favourite colour is. I don't really see that being much different than any other general social group. It really helps a great deal to have a focus.

Kerennya · 51-55, F

I totally agree about the numbers needing to be relatively low for the group to be effective and the need for a focus. I personally think 10 is a good cap in terms of number of members. Sounds like there's a need for a moderator and some ground rules, which get communicated at the time a member joins and which the moderator is not afraid to enforce. Then if the member is inactive for a certain amount of time, they get removed so you can rotate in a new person. I don't think you should rule out conversations about more mundane stuff like food, as some people talk about that stuff when they are nervous and taking the temperature, so to speak, of a new place, but I think it's appropriate to say that that kind of conversation is not the focus of what interaction on the site is about.

WordPress is a website tool that gives you a structure, and then has plug-ins that let you extend the functionality of a site. I would think that there's probably GOT to be a plug-in that lets you set up chat rooms and then limit the membership as to who can join, though it would be necessary to do some research. I know there are also plug-ins that let you set up a forum for posting - it might even be possible to limit who can access those groups. Some WordPress themes and plug-ins have a cost - others do not. But I think you could set a site up that is designed to provide useful support for not a lot of money, then either have members pay some regular dues or else get some advertising to help cover expenses. Have you ever thought about doing something like that or looked at the most obvious operating expenses to ballpark what it would cost in terms of setup and annual operating costs?

SolitaryFriend · 41-45, M

There's a lot that needs to happen for it to work effectively. What you've mentioned is definitely needed and you raise some valid points. A place can only be as good as the people putting in their efforts and working strictly to the rules.

I use WordPress but I don't think I've ever seen there be a plug-in for chat rooms, however I could always check. The thing with WordPress though is that it's primarily used by Americans and in order for me to set something up it would have to be UK based. I wouldn't be able to do it on my own, as days like today I don't feel up to doing much of anything. If I had greater stability I'd be able to consider things like setting up an independent website to do such things, but it requires a small team. Maybe I could find a website to do these sorts of things and work on one, but it's a great deal of responsibility for one person to take on and there can be a great deal of accountability that goes with it too.

Kerennya · 51-55, F

Why would a site need to be UK-based? So someone would be up to provide support at the hours you'd be using it? Or is it just a preference for seeing British English?

What about seeing if there are sites that are the equivalent of Skype, only for chats? (For that matter, I think can you can do Skype chatting as a standard group chat without video if you want to. I'll admit to having a bias against Skype - for some reason it really annoys the heck out of me - I'm not sure why.)

Then the moderator could go to whatever the site is, and start the chat and invite the members to come. That might remove some of the hassles of having to do the tech work yourself. I did a quick search online and came up with a site called Stinto that looks like it does just that, though obviously with just me, it's a little hard to test the chat feature.

I'm sorry to hear you had a 'not feeling like doing much' kind of day. I hope you are feeling better now. :)

SolitaryFriend · 41-45, M

While people in US can have something to offer, there are differences between how life is here for people with mental health issues than there is for those in the US and it reflects how people talk to one another. I often feel like an outsider when being a part of groups that are predominantly made up of people from the US.

There's plenty of different things out there for people to form groups, but again it seems the majority of people who gravitate towards them are predominantly by those from the US. I've seen forums for people in the UK and Facebook groups but little else. I think I'm better just sticking to the support group here that I'll be going to this Wednesday in my town, however Stinto did look like a good tool to use if there were ever a way to get people together from the UK, though I think it would take some careful co-ordination to have it work out successfully.

Thinking a little bit clearer at the moment, thank you.