Lisafriend27 · 31-35, F
Reject · 26-30, M
@Lisafriend27 It’s not easy! I have to watch myself very carefully because blaming anything else feels like the most natural thing in the world that happens every time I’m not aware of myself.
The Blame We Bear
I always take the blame—it feels like fate,
As though our flaws are rooted in our soul.
To think we shape ourselves is no debate;
It’s how we strive toward growth and self-control.
Yet change has bounds—our core will not erase,
Though nurtured, pressed, or trained by hand or mind.
Some traits are carved too deep to be replaced,
But much can shift if we are not confined.
Still, even faults that won’t be moved or bent
Deserve our blame, unfair as it may seem.
For owning them, we ready our ascent—
Excuses only stall the will to dream.
Choose paths aligned with who you truly are,
But grow, or you’ll remain your own fixed scar.
I always take the blame—it feels like fate,
As though our flaws are rooted in our soul.
To think we shape ourselves is no debate;
It’s how we strive toward growth and self-control.
Yet change has bounds—our core will not erase,
Though nurtured, pressed, or trained by hand or mind.
Some traits are carved too deep to be replaced,
But much can shift if we are not confined.
Still, even faults that won’t be moved or bent
Deserve our blame, unfair as it may seem.
For owning them, we ready our ascent—
Excuses only stall the will to dream.
Choose paths aligned with who you truly are,
But grow, or you’ll remain your own fixed scar.
Reject · 26-30, M
@FrogManSometimesLooksBothWays This was incredible! Like a poetic rendition of my writing! I’m very impressed and humbled that you put so much thought into what I wrote. Thank you very much for this. It’s hard for me to explain right now what your comment means to me, but I do know it. This was very special.
Prisoner1972 · 51-55, M
You could be dealing with what psychologists call "intrusive thoughts". That's where unpleasant thoughts come into your mind out of nowhere. I write mine down and talk to my therapist about them.
Another way some deal with this (and I have moderate success) is to ask yourself 2 questions:
1. Is the thought useful?
2. Do i take pleasure in the thought?
If you answer NO on both of those, disregard the thought.
In that second method, like i said, i have moderate success. But the more you do to disregard intrusive thoughts, the easier it will get. So hang in there. You're not alone.
Another way some deal with this (and I have moderate success) is to ask yourself 2 questions:
1. Is the thought useful?
2. Do i take pleasure in the thought?
If you answer NO on both of those, disregard the thought.
In that second method, like i said, i have moderate success. But the more you do to disregard intrusive thoughts, the easier it will get. So hang in there. You're not alone.
Reject · 26-30, M
@Prisoner1972 Interesting. If they are intrusive thoughts. I find them very useful, but I don’t take pleasure in them. It’s not a good feeling to believe you’re messing up, but it does help me prevent that in the future.
MartinTheFirst · 26-30, M
There are going to be parts of our nature that are simply permanent no matter what kind of nurturing or conditioning it undergoes.
I don't think that's quite true. If you think about it in the way of Bayesian statistics, then our nature is just the product of the prior combined with new information. Sure, what is prior will always influence the posterior to some degree, but as new data is acquired, it quickly overpowers the prior and can swiftly change the distribution of our nature. I hope you liked that.
Reject · 26-30, M
@MartinTheFirst Well, I did make the point that more of us can change than most people like to admit and everything you said counts as that to me. The parts of us which do change. However, if you take building blocks and shape them into anything you want. The material is still building blocks. As you said, the prior will always influence the posterior to some degree.
Reject · 26-30, M
@smiler2012 If you think hard enough. Nothing is ever your fault, or, everything can be. It depends on how you want to see it. I just attempt to make the point here that it’s better to take the blame. I think fighting those demons goes a long way towards personal health versus avoiding them which ruins it.
Reject · 26-30, M
@Carazaa You know it’s funny you say this because I did have a different username I changed to a long time ago when I met someone on here who made me feel loved. At that point I no longer felt like Reject so I didn’t want the name anymore. Things didn’t work out though and after they left I decided to change it back to Reject because it felt appropriate again. Unfortunately I still think it applies because out of all the ways I have been accepted, love and romance is not one of them and that’s what inspired my name in the first place.
Prisoner1972 · 51-55, M
@Carazaa maybe your favorite food. Favorite superhero. Somebody archetype you identify with.
Take me for instance. Back in the EP days i made my username as prisoner1972. I was in a marriage with a cheater. It said nothing about me. But about my situation. And six months later, when i got out, one of my posts included the statement "i am prisoner no more"
Take me for instance. Back in the EP days i made my username as prisoner1972. I was in a marriage with a cheater. It said nothing about me. But about my situation. And six months later, when i got out, one of my posts included the statement "i am prisoner no more"
View 1 more replies »
Reject · 26-30, M
@YoMomma That’s the tricky thing about ego. It can look like anything.
You could donate to charity or save dying kittens and have those actions be ego based. It doesn’t make you a good person, you’re just doing good things to convince yourself you’re one.
It can be something negative and maybe you hate yourself so you do self destructive things. That too can be ego based if it’s done because you’re obsessed with something about yourself.
The one way to know for sure if you’re being selfless or not is based on why you do something. You have to be honest with yourself. Is it for you or something else? Most people are bad at self honesty because it’s easier to lie and feels better.
You could donate to charity or save dying kittens and have those actions be ego based. It doesn’t make you a good person, you’re just doing good things to convince yourself you’re one.
It can be something negative and maybe you hate yourself so you do self destructive things. That too can be ego based if it’s done because you’re obsessed with something about yourself.
The one way to know for sure if you’re being selfless or not is based on why you do something. You have to be honest with yourself. Is it for you or something else? Most people are bad at self honesty because it’s easier to lie and feels better.
JollyRoger · 70-79, M
Reject · 26-30, M
@JollyRoger Lol. I would certainly say that man would not appreciate my views on life. His followers also wouldn’t. Still, that will be their undoing. Time will sort it out.