I Am Fascinated By Human Behavior

Why do mental health experts claim only children are so mature, independent, and good leaders? They think the onlies are more mature because they spend more time around adults and have a personality typical of an oldest sibling, but in my experience most of them act like big babies. Parents tend to dote on their one and only and baby them a good bit so they act more like the baby of the family in stead of the oldest in a family. Of course, there are plenty of onlies and youngest siblings who were never spoiled rotten but it is a general pattern. A lot of onlies and youngest siblings tend to just never grow up.

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greenmountaingal · 70-79, F

The so-called experts are reporting general statistics and statistical norms. They certainly don't apply to a particular individual.

I was an only child. You can read my story under: I Am Angry. I was not spoiled. In fact, I'm lucky I survived at all.

Cloud7593 · 46-50, F

I understand greenmountain. I've read some of your posts. You grew up with abuse. I'm sorry if I offended you. I've just dealt with a lot of only children who grew up treated like king of the hill who grew up to be grown-up spoiled brats. Some of them have told me being an adult is very hard because they don't get the special treatment they got as children. Spoiling can be almost as harmful as abuse. Have you ever seen the movie "Sybil?" She was also an only child who was lucky to survive.

greenmountaingal · 70-79, F

No, you certainly did not offend me in the least! Did not mean to give that impression.

I was trying to say that many times people take these psychological theories too seriously. They are only the ideas generated by a few psychologists based on some general studies and most of it is fairly useless when dealing with any particular person.

greenmountaingal · 70-79, F

Also, I certainly do agree that spoiling a child IS a form of abuse. I worked in juvenile detention facilities for many years as a teacher. There were many children there who got along very well with their mothers...but no one else! These kids were in trouble from the moment they had to deal with anyone outside their homes.

Cloud7593 · 46-50, F

@greenmountaingal: Were these kids boys? People tend to dote on boys more than girls, I guess because it's a man's world and most parents are fairly sexist.

greenmountaingal · 70-79, F

Yes, usually. But there were some girls of this type, too. I saw more boys because it was a detention facility for violent criminals and boys commit more violent crimes than girls do.

greenmountaingal · 70-79, F

You asked about Sibyl. Yes, I saw it. I never feel these abuse movies really capture the true misery of these situations although they certainly do show bad and violent parents. If I were to write such a movie (which I won't), I would emphasize the sense of social alienation, the feeling of being isolated from normal life and the regular world, the feeling of being crazy, the fear of speaking about it, the frustration of watching an abusive parent put on an Academy Award winning performance in front of others, and the child being told how lucky they are to have such a wonderful loving parent.

Cloud7593 · 46-50, F

@greenmountaingal: Yes i remember hearing people talk about what great parents i had too. No one wouldve guessed what my mother was really like. She was Jekyll and Hyde. Wonderful at times then abusive.