Last sunday.... returned home after a fun day. Was in high spirits
and at night I found out that one of my cherished friends from EP died 6 months ago. It was a little weird that he did not respond to my texts and didn't open them either... but I wasn't expecting this. His account still exists on SW but I would like to keep that private. We met on EP in December 2015 and we were very close. We opened up about our vulnerabilities. He was like an older brother to me. Ofcourse life took over and its impossible to maintain that momentum of communication after a while. Even so, we texted every few months. He texted me 2 days before he died to say he was checking in to a rehab. He died of drug overdose. Ever since... for the past 2 days I have been so down. Been going through the voice noted he sent me on fb messenger back in 2016 and 2017. Would give anything to have one last conversation again. Once more to hear his sweet voice.
He had these cycles of addictions. And he never managed to be free from it though he tried. Initially I was so involved. Telling him whatever I could.... but 5 years down the line, when you see your words not making much of an impact, you stop being so involved... I kind of expected him to keep seeing his efforts go up and down over and over and over until he finally gets over it. Never expected that he would die.
He did tell me 10 days before he died that he had gone back to his addictions etc. I just said, "So things have slipped again has it M? Dont worry things will get better soon. Atleast you are with you family in a safe space."
He said "I guess."
Now I wish I had engaged with him some more.... talked with him through.
I miss you M. When we were in the thick of our friendship, i told you over and over how precious you were to me. Then we got busy with life, but the friendship lived on. Now that you are gone, I miss you more.
I really really hope you are watching over me from a better place eith a smile on your face. Because you never smiled when you were here. But now that you are free from the baggage you carried, I hope you are finally smiling.
When I cross over to the next world, I really hope to see you waiting for me. Finally then we would get to meet which didn't happen on earth. We can joke about how I am 5'2 and you are 6'5 and get that awkward hug out of the way and be good friends.
I really pray with all my heart that you are happier where you are. I will keep praying for you, M. I hope you are waiting for me. I pray that we meet each other one day.
God be with you forever, my brother.
He had these cycles of addictions. And he never managed to be free from it though he tried. Initially I was so involved. Telling him whatever I could.... but 5 years down the line, when you see your words not making much of an impact, you stop being so involved... I kind of expected him to keep seeing his efforts go up and down over and over and over until he finally gets over it. Never expected that he would die.
He did tell me 10 days before he died that he had gone back to his addictions etc. I just said, "So things have slipped again has it M? Dont worry things will get better soon. Atleast you are with you family in a safe space."
He said "I guess."
Now I wish I had engaged with him some more.... talked with him through.
I miss you M. When we were in the thick of our friendship, i told you over and over how precious you were to me. Then we got busy with life, but the friendship lived on. Now that you are gone, I miss you more.
I really really hope you are watching over me from a better place eith a smile on your face. Because you never smiled when you were here. But now that you are free from the baggage you carried, I hope you are finally smiling.
When I cross over to the next world, I really hope to see you waiting for me. Finally then we would get to meet which didn't happen on earth. We can joke about how I am 5'2 and you are 6'5 and get that awkward hug out of the way and be good friends.
I really pray with all my heart that you are happier where you are. I will keep praying for you, M. I hope you are waiting for me. I pray that we meet each other one day.
God be with you forever, my brother.
26-30, F
