Have I truly forgiven him if I still remember the pain and am afraid of him?

@SunPuppy Exactly. I've forgiven my father for raping me, but I'll be DAMNED! If I'll ever let him near any of my kids if I ever have any.

@Allelse u have a big heart. not gonna sugarcoat it, id personally call it naive to just let something like that go, but to each their own. ive been thru something similar and let me tell u, hatred is quite the motivator. i wouldnt be where i am today without it

@SunPuppy I know what he is, and I know he HATEs himself for what he is. His punishment is remaining alive. My mother has no idea what she is, and my sister on the other hand, knows what she is and uses it to her advantage and why? Because to her, she is all that matters in the world so the height of morality is only to do anything that favours her own advantage. But my father loves me, he's just a sick idiot.