Do you trust yourself when it comes to decision making or is there a part of you that constantly questions your own judgement?

This is a major issue for me. I was under narcissistic and sadistic abuse for 20+ years , daily, and it absolutely messed my mind. I doubt EVERYTHING I do or say. I had to begin reading about narcissism in depth years ago to try to understand my anxiety disorder. They want you to question everything about yourself, so THEY can always be IN CONTROL. But my own parent alluded to that I should barely even have a right to be ALIvE, never mind just that I shouldn't trust my own decisions. It was horrible and a nightmare, and I don't date at all b/c of how tainted and broken I feel. I have read the narcissist makes you doubt everything..and that is pure TRUTH. How do I come out of this though? people say do what you love and then you will see you are capable. WEll that is true to a point but what about all the hundreds of things we do that we don't love.... I question literally all I do or say. I was always 'bad' , 'wrong'.. always , EVEN if someone wronged me as a kid, she would blame ME. It was torture.