Boy problems

As a teen I dont get why I get hurt multiple times by one person. I hide a secret from my mom and grandmother and I feel bad and if I tell them I'm not going to feel well because I wouldnt concider the persons feelings.

As I mentioned before I did something with my male friend and at first I thought maybe he's being more open to me and I couldnt care less about what I felt because all I want is to be with him, when he took me to his place he said something that made me feel as if I matter ed despite that he rejected me Last year.

I'm such a complete idiot, it makes me a target but then yet again I dont want him to think I'm using him, I'm not that type of person to do that and I swear I would never. Last year I felt so sad when he rejected me I cried and felt crushed.

I dont want him to find me weird but I constantly get hurt too but knowing myself I'm too bother ed by what others think and feel than what I actually feel, I then hate myself and start asking why I do this to myself. And when I see others being in relationships I get so emotional and thats really not valid at my age but then yet again my friends have friends and my mom is busy and my grandmother spends time at work I have no one, all I want is someone to keep me company and is that too much to ask?