I know I sound selfish but....

I'm not as giving as I used to be. I don't really enjoy giving to people unless they're my family because most people are selfish and takers. After realizing I'm the one who's more likely to be abandoned and be treated poorly in friendships I lost interest in being helpful or being there for others. None of my friends helped me, stood up for me, or did anything for me. In fact, a lot of my friends were low-key rude to me for no reason or suddenly stopped talking to me. I used to pride myself in how kind I was to others while getting nothing in return but I didn't and still don't understand why people were so horrible to me.

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TinyViolins · 31-35, M

Expectations are premeditated disappointments. If you give expecting to get back, a lot of people are going to let you down. This world, unfortunately, is filled with a lot of takers. But there are still a large group of givers out there. Approximately 25%, if you want to go by psychologist Adam Grant's research in the topic.

If you spend your life hiding from people in order to avoid the bad ones, you're going to miss out on the good ones. I think once you learn to be okay on your own, whether its by developing hobbies and interests, caring for plants or pets, getting involved in clubs or activities, then you can overcome the fear of being rejected. You'll be fine because you know that you'll be fine on your own.

Once you can put yourself out there without fear of judgement or rejection or loss, and when you overcome this fear, you eventually start meeting good people. Others can see your goodness and feel inspired to share theirs since you shared yours with them.

I'm okay being giving even if it means some refuse to give back. I believe that people would start to recognize your worth once they see what you can do instead of living in the dark. Sooner or later the right people are going to feel compelled to give back what you so generously gave to them.

People tend to like people that give them free sh*t

Woofwoof15 · 26-30, F

@TinyViolins I know. My sister said the problem with me was that when I give my friends something I expect something back from them but I get extremely depressed because my friends never given me anything. In fact, majority of them treated me poorly. I know it's selfish but gezz how can I be so kind and giving to other people and yet get treated so poorly?

TinyViolins · 31-35, M

@Woofwoof15 This is probably going to sound tacky, but I promise there's a lot of wisdom in it. When you love yourself, it doesn't matter how other people treat you.

What I mean by loving yourself is to give yourself a life worth living. As desperately as we'd like other people to fill the voids in your life, it's unfair to ask of them so demanding of a task. We have to find ways of filling the void ourselves so that other's won't face the disappointment of not being good enough for you. When you're relaxed, people can feel free to give freely. They won't feel like they're being used. That they're they're helping out of their own free will instead of being coerced by guilt.

Focus on the good and you won't be dragged down by the bad. You're going to find a lot of takers out there, but if you stop giving you'll likely never find other givers. Eventually you'll learn to make room for only the kind of people you truly need in your life.

Abstraction · 61-69, M

Sorry you've had that experience. Most people are not selfish, it sounds like you've had a bad run.

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