Why not wonder?

I have the mind that doesn’t stop to think. It just always thinks. It makes it hard for me to sleep so I welcome death. I run on fumes (no sleep). I work long hours, take 5 hour bus rides to and from work. Barely eat and yet i outwork ants. I beg for death every night but it never comes and I'm not a coward so i won't kill myself. I am a fool amongst dummies, tyrant amongst the kind, asshole yet kind and worthless. Ask me for something and i may say fuck off, or i may give it to you. I'm an enigma. Figure me out, because i can't