Sunk costs

I'm sitting here depressed today...
I knew it would kick in eventually.
Even though logically, I'm happy. Logically, I know that breaking up was for the best, I guess that illogical side of me still has to process it.

I've had a productive day today. More productive than usual. Walked 3 miles this morning. Exercised again in the afternoon, just to take my mind off of the disappointment and anger that I feel when I look back on everything.

I was so hopeful. Too hopeful.

I allowed that hope to let me cling on to something that was never there. I created an illusion to tie myself to someone that may have never been interested in me. I lowered myself to feel fufilled with short-changed expectations. And it's all so blatantly obvious now.

I think it was obvious then too. But I figured that if it paid off in the end, those moments of waiting/wanting wouldn't matter.

Sunk costs, they call it.

I felt reluctant to leave the situation after everything that I had invested. I decided to bite my lip and stick it out, longer and longer, hoping that a rose would blossom out of the thorns. ... I so badly wanted a garden.

I could see the makings of one. An open field that stretched out for acres. So much promise. I figured the only reason nothing had sprouted there was because no one dared stay around long enough to water the seed. But sometimes the seed is damaged in itself. Split open just so, from wherever it may have been before, or exposed to too much heat.

...or maybe I just watered it too much.