I think (sadly) the feelings of attraction towards men and those of attraction to women differ quite a bit. It seems to me that a fallacy a lot of people fall for is to assume that the attraction people might feel towards them is similar to the attraction they feel for others (which is reasonable, but sadly untrue). I think this is especially true for straight attraction.
The way this manifests for straight men is in thinking that because they would absolutely love for a woman to chase after them and look for them (as you say), then that means that that's a good course of action for them to make themselves attractive to women.
The way to fix this (for a lot of men) is that you need to learn to "focus on yourself", as they say. This is a simple phrase with an incredibly complicated and difficult meaning. You need to figure out how to enjoy your life and enjoy yourself in a way that you will enjoy it whether it includes a romantic partner or not. This is not easy to do; it often requires an enormous amount of introspection, and also often demands that you reject a lot of the values and standards that you grew up believing or were taught by your culture. Yes, I also think it is deeply unfair that this is required of us, I think it should be easier, but for now it is not.
There are practical guides for doing this (that means there are things you can do that if you are able to continue in the direction they point you, you will come to enjoy yourself more). Such things are:
- making only other male friends for a while
- removing chronic sources of stress from your life, such as financial instability, buried trauma, back pain or joint stiffness
- re-examining your relationship with your parents/family
- doing things that seriously turn you off (sometimes very overtly feminine things, in the case of men)
- doing things that expose you to a drastically new community, such as moving country or state
- trying to unveil potentially hidden parts of your sexuality, such as sexual submissiveness or attraction towards a gender you thought you were not attracted to
- making things that are completely new and your own, such as attending an art or dance class, building homes for the homeless, etc
Remember to always try and notice what you are feeling in the moment, even if that feeling is awful.
Good luck!
