Just a little griping
It's strange... ever since we broke up it's like I give off a scent of availability. Suddenly suitors are coming out of the woodwork and I haven't even announced that I'm single again. Old exes are calling me and sending me text messages that they miss me. Either all this is a product of "cuffing season" or its just a very strange coincidence... but what's stranger is that despite all of this oncoming attention, I still feel radically alone.
I've even went on a few dates since me and my ex broke up, and I've met with fine people. I thought there could be a chance that there would be a spark and I was certain that I was ready to move on, but apparently I'm not. It all feels dulled and when I'm out, I'm left wondering what he's doing or thinking that the activity would be so much more fun if he were there. It's funny because I know that is not even true.
If he were there I would be angry. Or probably still numb, but for a different reason. I would be numb because I don't feel like I could ever feel the same way about him again after the way that he ended things. It was so abrupt and so out-of-the-blue that I honestly felt betrayed to some degree. It left me wondering how many days or months had he been saying 'I love you' when there was really nothing there. How long had he pretended while allowing me to think that we were falling deeper in love?
... none of it matters though. This is all just a part of the process. I should be feeling better in a week of so when I'm on vacation and my toes are digging into the warm Hawaii sands.
I've even went on a few dates since me and my ex broke up, and I've met with fine people. I thought there could be a chance that there would be a spark and I was certain that I was ready to move on, but apparently I'm not. It all feels dulled and when I'm out, I'm left wondering what he's doing or thinking that the activity would be so much more fun if he were there. It's funny because I know that is not even true.
If he were there I would be angry. Or probably still numb, but for a different reason. I would be numb because I don't feel like I could ever feel the same way about him again after the way that he ended things. It was so abrupt and so out-of-the-blue that I honestly felt betrayed to some degree. It left me wondering how many days or months had he been saying 'I love you' when there was really nothing there. How long had he pretended while allowing me to think that we were falling deeper in love?
... none of it matters though. This is all just a part of the process. I should be feeling better in a week of so when I'm on vacation and my toes are digging into the warm Hawaii sands.
31-35, F
