I'm trying to take steps into becoming a better person.
I"m trying to reign myself in and am trying to replace my destructive qualities with constructive ones instead. I've identified at least three areas that need improvement most.
AREA 1: Anger management.
This one should come as no surprise to anybody who knows me. I'm trying to be less angry and am trying to let things just roll off my back more. I'm not going to be the guy throwing chairs at bars anymore or kicking holes in the wall or sending people to the hospital. Yes, I really did send someone to the hospital. Actually, we both ended up going because long story short we were drinking heavily he said something that really set me off I don't remember what it is anymore but we beat the hell out of each other. UFC would have been proud. The guy was a prick anyway. One of those friends of a friend that you don't exactly like but tolerate anyway for the sake of said friend. Yeah he was one of those. Needless to say I don't want to walk into a room and have it go quiet with a crap he's here kind of vibe to it. The thing that really made me think was during my review at work I was told that my coworkers think I'm scary because I react badly to things and I'm highly defensive when it comes to criticism.
AREA 2: Cutting down on the booze:
My dad was an alcoholic and alcoholism runs rampant in my family. I drink a lot more than I probably should. Recently I've been having issues whenever I drink. I get palpitations and have difficulty breathing if I drink too much. That's kind of freaky if you ask me. I'm no stranger to passing out on floors. Everyone knows to just put a cup of water next to my head and to leave me be I'll eventually come to. I think my greatest booze achievement was downing a 40 and drinking a whole fifth of vodka in one night. Granted this was over the span of several hours but I packed it away. What you don't know is that my best friend died because he was an alcoholic. He died last year because he drank so damn much and he had some genetic defect with his liver too I believe. He died because he couldn't stop even though he was told to by the doctors. I remember towards the end he wanted to live so badly and had regretted his choices. He's not the only one I've lost over the years. There were more people in my little group our posse so to speak. Drugs and alcohol have done a lot of damage to us. Granted I've never touched drugs and never well but they are no joke. I've seen firsthand what they do to people and everything goes from fun to dark fast. I've been dragged along to trap houses where's there's guns and other spooky stuff that just makes you very on edge. This will probably be the hardest one to work on because if I'm not drinking I can sometimes taste the liquor in my mouth or I think about it.
AREA 3: To cool it on the smoking:
I smoke I'm not as bad as one of my friends he's about on par with a chimney but I'm about a pack a day habit. I need to stop using these as a crutch whenever I have a bad day or am stressed out. I hate to see what my lungs look like yet alone the rest of my insides. Probably all rotted. The looks I get too from people flat out irritate me. Yeah look down on me thinking I'm trashy but the guy over there vaping bubblegum mist is perfectly acceptable? Yeah sure whatever. I've been overhauling my budget to see where the money is going because I'm saving up down payment money for a house. I'm still shy of the goal and had noticed most of my money goes towards booze and smokes. No good that's got to change if I ever want to have my own home. I'm sure I'll feel better too.
AREA 1: Anger management.
This one should come as no surprise to anybody who knows me. I'm trying to be less angry and am trying to let things just roll off my back more. I'm not going to be the guy throwing chairs at bars anymore or kicking holes in the wall or sending people to the hospital. Yes, I really did send someone to the hospital. Actually, we both ended up going because long story short we were drinking heavily he said something that really set me off I don't remember what it is anymore but we beat the hell out of each other. UFC would have been proud. The guy was a prick anyway. One of those friends of a friend that you don't exactly like but tolerate anyway for the sake of said friend. Yeah he was one of those. Needless to say I don't want to walk into a room and have it go quiet with a crap he's here kind of vibe to it. The thing that really made me think was during my review at work I was told that my coworkers think I'm scary because I react badly to things and I'm highly defensive when it comes to criticism.
AREA 2: Cutting down on the booze:
My dad was an alcoholic and alcoholism runs rampant in my family. I drink a lot more than I probably should. Recently I've been having issues whenever I drink. I get palpitations and have difficulty breathing if I drink too much. That's kind of freaky if you ask me. I'm no stranger to passing out on floors. Everyone knows to just put a cup of water next to my head and to leave me be I'll eventually come to. I think my greatest booze achievement was downing a 40 and drinking a whole fifth of vodka in one night. Granted this was over the span of several hours but I packed it away. What you don't know is that my best friend died because he was an alcoholic. He died last year because he drank so damn much and he had some genetic defect with his liver too I believe. He died because he couldn't stop even though he was told to by the doctors. I remember towards the end he wanted to live so badly and had regretted his choices. He's not the only one I've lost over the years. There were more people in my little group our posse so to speak. Drugs and alcohol have done a lot of damage to us. Granted I've never touched drugs and never well but they are no joke. I've seen firsthand what they do to people and everything goes from fun to dark fast. I've been dragged along to trap houses where's there's guns and other spooky stuff that just makes you very on edge. This will probably be the hardest one to work on because if I'm not drinking I can sometimes taste the liquor in my mouth or I think about it.
AREA 3: To cool it on the smoking:
I smoke I'm not as bad as one of my friends he's about on par with a chimney but I'm about a pack a day habit. I need to stop using these as a crutch whenever I have a bad day or am stressed out. I hate to see what my lungs look like yet alone the rest of my insides. Probably all rotted. The looks I get too from people flat out irritate me. Yeah look down on me thinking I'm trashy but the guy over there vaping bubblegum mist is perfectly acceptable? Yeah sure whatever. I've been overhauling my budget to see where the money is going because I'm saving up down payment money for a house. I'm still shy of the goal and had noticed most of my money goes towards booze and smokes. No good that's got to change if I ever want to have my own home. I'm sure I'll feel better too.
26-30, M
