Haunted with memories… 😢

Nearly three months since my dad passed now, and I’m haunted by the last time I saw him…struggling to find a comfortable position to be in while in a world of pain and in and out of consciousness. That last thing I said to him was “I love you”, and for the first time in the visit he settled down, smiled and said “I love you too”. I said I’d be back tomorrow to visit, but there were no more tomorrows to come.

The next morning I was on my way to my GFs place, and the car suddenly gave me a temperature warning light, so I pulled over on the side of the highway. That’s when the call came.

I wailed and screamed, balling my eyes out. I was halfway to my GF’s, so I continued on in morning rush hour traffic with what seemed to be the longest drive of my life. I spent the day with her, crying for most of it. Since then I haven’t cried much over it, just getting in with clearing out his house and dealing with the absolute ton of paperwork that comes with a passing.

Tomorrow is my 50th birthday, and I keep seeing him on that last day, remembering how his face had lit up and his smile as he returned the affection. Normally he would take me out to dinner for my birthday…a ritual I was never all that comfortable with, but it made him happy so I always went without complaint…but now with my birthday looming, I find myself missing him more than ever, and for the first time since that day I’m crying again 😭