Lots of Folks Do A Lot Worse
As soon as I get up, right after coming back from getting coffee, and at least once every hour on days I am not working. I currently work in a restaurant owned by a chef whom I've idolized for almost five years now, so being sober is generally only a challenge on my really bad days.
It isn't cheap, but it's easy. Sometimes it makes me fell like a loser. Won't do nothing if I'm not high. Get high to do everything. This started in high school, when I was just wanting to ride it out and had all this school work I had no interest in. Then college was also full of useless school work, and copious social gatherings to boot. I leaned into it hard. I'd get a job for the year and for the summer just to pay for my habit. I am currently very broke, and the other day I went and picked up before I even thought about what to do for food that day. My eating habits are another thing- but this is something I've just clung to. I find such safety and security in. It's to the point where when I'm high, at some point I level out. There is no more to be done, there is no more that can be absorbed into my system. Or at least, that's what it feels like.
My older brother is about a year straight in his sobriety. He chose meth. He had rowdier friends. He let it run his life, same as I have been doing. I don't want to take any attention and patience for his recovery, he's really in a spot where he could make it. He's got a house with his fiancee, their son was just born. He's been cooking again.
And it's just easier. It's easier to just be blasted.
It isn't cheap, but it's easy. Sometimes it makes me fell like a loser. Won't do nothing if I'm not high. Get high to do everything. This started in high school, when I was just wanting to ride it out and had all this school work I had no interest in. Then college was also full of useless school work, and copious social gatherings to boot. I leaned into it hard. I'd get a job for the year and for the summer just to pay for my habit. I am currently very broke, and the other day I went and picked up before I even thought about what to do for food that day. My eating habits are another thing- but this is something I've just clung to. I find such safety and security in. It's to the point where when I'm high, at some point I level out. There is no more to be done, there is no more that can be absorbed into my system. Or at least, that's what it feels like.
My older brother is about a year straight in his sobriety. He chose meth. He had rowdier friends. He let it run his life, same as I have been doing. I don't want to take any attention and patience for his recovery, he's really in a spot where he could make it. He's got a house with his fiancee, their son was just born. He's been cooking again.
And it's just easier. It's easier to just be blasted.
26-30, M