I believe that you are this way because of extreme situations from which you had to go through, and a lack of confidence in people (yes people really have to work to gain trust; it's not granted). So the depression you have sometimes is due to you're brain, that still tells you that you've done something wrong. It's best to go through deep analysis and see what's you're defective way of thinking; the other solution is to become a complete adrenaline junkie (you are transitioning if you say you still have some emotions). In short terms, such a junkie is more competent in life, but needs a lot of boosters such as caffeine, music, anything that can get you adrenaline (you're senses are much more accelerated than normal people, but you only have primal felling; not emotions). The hardest part is to become normal again; it's really difficult and takes at least 1 year. Check it out on the net, but it's hard to go all the way back (you will have only drawbacks for a long time, and after that you get you're emotions ok...