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[quote]I really could have done something to better my self but being in that state
[/quote]

You did. Just not as instant as you thought you would. When we realize we wanna improve we tend to assume it must be in a cold turkey instant black white pull off the patch way. But it's not how it works. Recovery and growth takes time and patience and often includes setbacks.


[quote]Why did I think substance abuse was the answer??? [/quote]

Not so much the answer but it was the best you had in life back then. A person without trauma or mental pain have no reason to addiction. They have no need to escape their hurtful reality and mind. But you had. You needed the pain relief to survive.

Why do you think in war the men drink vodka before treating a wound? It numbs the pain. Helps them be still and get help.

The bottle was nothing more than a strategy. The good news is you learned that you can find new strategies to relax that aren't damaging.

Time and understanding are the best physician!!