I Am Lonely

I try hard and really try to change myself, but I can't change because of my ego, my lackings and my shortcomings. I have always been told that I am no good. I thought that they were wrong. They , means, mom, dad,family, cousins and relatives. But lately I am seeing the reality that the problems with me. I am an unfortunate kid . Since I remember my first memory of life, I have been very shy, shy is a word which actually means for me is, that I have been so scared to do anything Outta rules that I became stagnant. I have been alone since my childhood​ and I have been bullied and tortured by my family and friends because of my weight, or anything else. It's a trauma in my mind. Now my personality is so shitty, that I can't possibly go out in people. I am straightforward and don't like to lie or be with fakes and can't handle drama. I say in front and it hurts others. Maybe that's why am still lonely and everyone enjoys hurting me too. Lol.
All in all am a shit person and deserve it.