I Am Lonely

I am surrounded by so many people. Yet I feel like my lips are sewed together. My hands are tied together. Unable to move. Unable to speak. I laugh and smile every day but I weep when there is no one looking. I participate in a lot of activities, but I still feel alone and dead. I want to tell people what's going on but I can't. The words just died on my tongue. And all I can do is sigh and keep going with my day and my mission to ignore the struggle.

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Rusty6 · 61-69, M

I'm sorry your going through this. I have also felt this way but am now getting help.

Colourflame · 18-21, F

I had a counsellor for two years and a half but now changed to another new school.

Rusty6 · 61-69, M

Yeah. I've been going to counselor psychologists and psychiatrists since probably around 13 years old. I never gave any of them a chance. I'm trying to change that this time. I am learning to be more open to help. I think your headed down the right path.

Colourflame · 18-21, F

@Rusty6: I dont exactly have anyone that know how to help me right now right here in this new environment. But I am already a bit sick of letting people know. It's just nerve-wrecking and frustrating.

Rusty6 · 61-69, M

yeah I know what you mean. It's hard to have to tell people your story time after time

Colourflame · 18-21, F

I dont feel like I have valid reason for the way I act. I hate myself for that. Maybe I am spoilt or attention seeking and I hate that so much.

Colourflame · 18-21, F

a valid*

Rusty6 · 61-69, M

You do. I think you probably have depression. I did and still do. You have the most valid reason. You don't feel good. Please don't feel like you are spoilt. You have a valid reason in my eyes

Colourflame · 18-21, F

Thank you for clearing that up for me. I still have doubts on that but still thank you. It has been haunting me for all this time.

Rusty6 · 61-69, M

I know it's hard. I don't like to see anybody suffer.

Colourflame · 18-21, F

I don't either. I guess I never really saw myself as suffering anything really.

Rusty6 · 61-69, M

Yeah. I understand. M not saying your suffering in a bad way but I just think depression is a bad feeling. You can't really show anybody something physical to prove what your going through. There's nothing visual to show them but that doesn't make it any less real.

Colourflame · 18-21, F

That is a very inspiring. Thank you so much for talking with me.

Rusty6 · 61-69, M

Your welcome. I hope I have helped

Colourflame · 18-21, F

I think you have. Thanks again

Rusty6 · 61-69, M

Your welcome