I Am Lonely
If you leave someone alone in a room for too long what will happen?
It feels like that often. Like I was left in a room alone and told to wait, but no one ever came back for me. So I buised myself. Entertained myself. Loved myself. Cultured myself. Pursued my interests. Learned to soothe my own soul. I was diligent.
There's a scene in Mr. Nobody where the lovers find each other on a bench where they said they'd meet. But she had been waiting for him so long that it ruined her. That when he finally arrived she didn't possess the ability to even try anymore. She taught herself to survive and surviving destroyed her.
I worry that's gonna be me. Or is already me. I'm worried the day she shows up will be a few years too late.
The worst part is. It's not that bad. It's bareable. If it was unbearable I'd do something reckless and desperate, but I don't. A tight control over myself. Making no mistakes. Taking no chances.
I grew up meeting broken men. I lost count how many. All destroyed by their relationships. It's like this world has denied me hope. Wisdom demands I learn from ALL these lessons, but maybe I took the wrong lessons. Maybe this world is just messed up and cruel.
During the day I'm invincible. At night my heart burns and I douse the flames. Memories make it easy to stop longing.
It's weird to be so caught between it all.
It feels like that often. Like I was left in a room alone and told to wait, but no one ever came back for me. So I buised myself. Entertained myself. Loved myself. Cultured myself. Pursued my interests. Learned to soothe my own soul. I was diligent.
There's a scene in Mr. Nobody where the lovers find each other on a bench where they said they'd meet. But she had been waiting for him so long that it ruined her. That when he finally arrived she didn't possess the ability to even try anymore. She taught herself to survive and surviving destroyed her.
I worry that's gonna be me. Or is already me. I'm worried the day she shows up will be a few years too late.
The worst part is. It's not that bad. It's bareable. If it was unbearable I'd do something reckless and desperate, but I don't. A tight control over myself. Making no mistakes. Taking no chances.
I grew up meeting broken men. I lost count how many. All destroyed by their relationships. It's like this world has denied me hope. Wisdom demands I learn from ALL these lessons, but maybe I took the wrong lessons. Maybe this world is just messed up and cruel.
During the day I'm invincible. At night my heart burns and I douse the flames. Memories make it easy to stop longing.
It's weird to be so caught between it all.
