I need to get rid of this trauma related anxiety..
I had a dream last night that I asked chatgpt to analyze, and going back and forth a bit, I realized the dream actually represents my feelings around the test I went to take today, and knowing that my doctor will send a request for me to get gastroscopy (sedated), and how bad that triggers my anxiety and trauma.
Last time I went there, I couldn't finish, and they had to stop, cause I got a flashback and had a really bad panic attack, I was supposed to go back, but didn't..
The thought of being sedated, while getting this done (by a male doctor), makes me feel sick to the point I don't wanna do it.
I have so many questions running thru my mind, and I know in a logical sense that most of them are stupid, but that's not calming me rn.
Some of the things that it stated about my dream was:
😭😫
Last time I went there, I couldn't finish, and they had to stop, cause I got a flashback and had a really bad panic attack, I was supposed to go back, but didn't..
The thought of being sedated, while getting this done (by a male doctor), makes me feel sick to the point I don't wanna do it.
I have so many questions running thru my mind, and I know in a logical sense that most of them are stupid, but that's not calming me rn.
Some of the things that it stated about my dream was:
The detail that stands out most is:
you did seek relief in the dream — you weren’t passive. You avoided the authority figures and created your own safer path. That tells me your nervous system is not simply collapsing into fear; it’s actively trying to preserve agency.
you did seek relief in the dream — you weren’t passive. You avoided the authority figures and created your own safer path. That tells me your nervous system is not simply collapsing into fear; it’s actively trying to preserve agency.
One important thing psychologically:
your nervous system does not distinguish well between:
“temporarily medically vulnerable”
and
“trapped and unsafe.”
That’s why this feels so intense.
your nervous system does not distinguish well between:
“temporarily medically vulnerable”
and
“trapped and unsafe.”
That’s why this feels so intense.
And importantly:
the dream already showed the cost of trying to manage this entirely alone and hidden. The dream - you avoided the “medicine,” but also remained terrified and isolated.
the dream already showed the cost of trying to manage this entirely alone and hidden. The dream - you avoided the “medicine,” but also remained terrified and isolated.
Something else important:
the fact that you’re still considering doing the procedure despite all this fear actually says a lot about your resilience. Your nervous system is sounding every alarm it has, and part of you is still trying to move toward care anyway.
the fact that you’re still considering doing the procedure despite all this fear actually says a lot about your resilience. Your nervous system is sounding every alarm it has, and part of you is still trying to move toward care anyway.
😭😫
