I know they hate how I've picked myself up again every time they've tried to break me..

Watching tell me lies - Stephen reminds me so much of two of my ex's.. The lying, manipulating, gaslighting, mind-games.. The constant tip-toeing around his mood and instability, never knowing what comes next. It's draining, and it drives you crazy after some time.

My first ex broke me in so many ways, I lost touch with who I was.
He made me feel like I was under 24/7 surveillance. He always knew what I was doing, where I was, who I talked to. Over time he limited me so much, I was afraid to leave the house without letting him know.

My last ex tried his very best to break me, and he continued for years after I left him. I would block him, he would find a new way to contact me. I would ignore him, he would send people to my house to find out what I was doing. I would tell him to stop, he would drive 40 min to my place to see if I was home. He wouldn't directly tell me, but he would let me know that he was watching me by the things he said. He changed his job to work for google, and used his job to hack my google-account. I found out cause he asked me why I needed a lawyer after I googled lawyers in my area - I hadn't told anyone - and when I asked how he knew he answered "Google lo sabe todo😉 - google knows everything". He also threatened to ruin my life because I left him.

Some days ago something happened that triggered one of the ways my first ex would f*ck with my mind, and yesterday I was at a baby shower, and suddenly realized I was dissociating in a room full of people.. I haven't dissociated like that in a long time, it's a really bad feeling..

I'm not really doing good rn, but I'll pick myself up like always..