Today has been odd.

I had the most intense dream, and woke up crying thinking "someone's dead". I thought it was the girl that helped me in my dream, but she's thankfully still alive.

I then spent hours analyzing my dream and connecting it to my post last night, and just couldn't stop thinking about everything. Which led to me thinking about the years my ex abused me, and my past and everything just kept bottling up. I cried, my puppy comforted me and then I finally went back to bed and just tried to focus on something else.

Then my mom called, she told me that a family member is dead, he died around the time I woke up today.

I haven't had much to do with him over the last years, even tho he's kinda close. I broke down. And felt strange about everything. I feel like i'm not allowed to grieve because I haven't seen him years, which is stupid and clearly connected to my past trauma. Anyways, I decided to take a break from social media for a day or two, to just calm my mind and nerves. Not sure I'm able to, but I'll try - meaning my other social media, being here kinda helps.

It's just been emotional and a very strange day.

Now I feel numb, which is better than feeling broken I guess.