I might be going back to therapy
I'm seeing my doctor tomorrow again, after I told her last week that I've lost faith in the system and wants to quit my meds..
She wants me to come in so we can talk and send a new request for me to get back in therapy.
I know that's what I should do, but I'm also really tired of talking to a bunch of people that eventually gives up regardless. I've had 3 therapists tell me "your trauma is very complex so i'm not sure how to help you, but let's try". Yeah, no shit 🥹 I was told that I couldn't get a specific treatment because of my adhd, and another treatment I couldn't get because of my trauma. Then I'm told to contact local health care clinics that I can talk to, but they're not willing to talk to me, because of my cptsd and eating disorder, so they tell me I need professional help, because they only help with less serious problems. Then I was asked to contact this center for eating disorders, but they haven't replied, and I honestly don't even want to go there. So.. If I don't get help now, I'm done asking. I can do it on my own.
But this is the reason I miss the time I worked at the club, because I was drinking, partying, I had people around me constantly, I didn't have time to think about anything. I miss not thinking lol. But then again at that time I was in and out of the hospital and ER, but I ignored it right after I felt okei, and then just kept going until my next visit^^
I just want to heal, feel better, stop self-destructing, stop self-sabotaging, stop the night terrors, flash backs and dissociations, stop my battle with food, body and everything. I want to enjoy life. And I want to stop taking my meds.
She wants me to come in so we can talk and send a new request for me to get back in therapy.
I know that's what I should do, but I'm also really tired of talking to a bunch of people that eventually gives up regardless. I've had 3 therapists tell me "your trauma is very complex so i'm not sure how to help you, but let's try". Yeah, no shit 🥹 I was told that I couldn't get a specific treatment because of my adhd, and another treatment I couldn't get because of my trauma. Then I'm told to contact local health care clinics that I can talk to, but they're not willing to talk to me, because of my cptsd and eating disorder, so they tell me I need professional help, because they only help with less serious problems. Then I was asked to contact this center for eating disorders, but they haven't replied, and I honestly don't even want to go there. So.. If I don't get help now, I'm done asking. I can do it on my own.
But this is the reason I miss the time I worked at the club, because I was drinking, partying, I had people around me constantly, I didn't have time to think about anything. I miss not thinking lol. But then again at that time I was in and out of the hospital and ER, but I ignored it right after I felt okei, and then just kept going until my next visit^^
I just want to heal, feel better, stop self-destructing, stop self-sabotaging, stop the night terrors, flash backs and dissociations, stop my battle with food, body and everything. I want to enjoy life. And I want to stop taking my meds.
