I'm a throwaway person

So why is the universe keeping me around this long?! I thought I'd be de*d before age 30, yet here we are. I think about $uicide ALL the time, but two things stop me: the idea that I will be reincarnated and have to come right back to the same life and live it again, and the possibility of surviving the attempt and making my current situation even worse.

A coworker of mine tried to end her life Monday night. I just found out. She drank vodka and took 62 Wellbutrin pills. She had seizures and was rushed to the hospital and is in a coma. I don't want that.

So I'm stuck here. Why, I have no idea. I'm not special. I don't have family or friends. I don't have an education that will have me out here finding the cure for cancer. I'm nobody. Why TF does the universe not take me out already?! 😩