I think it's over

I don't know how I feel yet. I feel sad but accepting. If it's over then it's over. All I know is my kid is the most important thing in the world to me. I realize Naya is the biggest reason I even want this relationship to work anymore. I know that's not enough of a reason sometimes. I love Naya's mom but even that doesn't seem to be enough anymore.

I never try to talk bad about her. I stopped venting about our issues on here a while ago because I don't wanna sound like she's a bad person. I stopped confiding in anybody, even my best friend. He's been asking me lately what's wrong & I wanna talk but it's hard. So I don't.

Legally I've been doing great & with Naya I feel like I'm a good dad. I do everything for her & I wanna keep doing that. She's my whole heart & I know her like the back of my hand. I don't ever want that to change. But relationship-wise, it's been depressing lately. I even admitted to her recently that after Naya goes to sleep for the night, I just feel sad. It feels like we're not even together sometimes, like we're in two different places even though we're right next to each other. I've been trying to make it work but no matter what I do, I can't fix it. It takes effort on both sides so I can't do it alone.

I just pray she doesn't try to keep Naya from me. I'm ready to do whatever I have to do to make sure we have 50/50 custody because I never want to be one of those dad's who only has his kid sometimes. I want to be part of her every day life. I don't care what I have to do. I'll do anything for my kid. I just didn't want it to have to be this way. I've been trying so hard to avoid this. I've been begging for us to share something again or do something together. Just to feel like we're together. Even if it's just as simple as watching a TV show we both like. I've been begging to communicate & we just can't. It's not working.

I haven't seen Naya since last night & idk how soon I'll be able to see her again. That hurts more than anything. My family is telling me I should file an order of protection asap just so she can't try to keep my kid from me. Because if she tries doing it first then it's gonna make it hard to see my kid right now. I don't know how all that works or what I should do right now... If we're not gonna be together then I really wish we could co-parent but if it's gonna be an issue at all then I'm gonna take it to court. I'm not gonna beg her for my kid, or get mad at her if she doesn't let me, as a dad all I can do is stay calm, do what I'm supposed to, & take it to court. Because you can't prove I'm a bad person or a bad dad. Say what you want about me but nobody can tell me I'm a bad father.