I think it's over

I don't know how I feel yet. I feel sad but accepting. If it's over then it's over. All I know is my kid is the most important thing in the world to me. I realize Naya is the biggest reason I even want this relationship to work anymore. I know that's not enough of a reason sometimes. I love Naya's mom but even that doesn't seem to be enough anymore.

I never try to talk bad about her. I stopped venting about our issues on here a while ago because I don't wanna sound like she's a bad person. I stopped confiding in anybody, even my best friend. He's been asking me lately what's wrong & I wanna talk but it's hard. So I don't.

Legally I've been doing great & with Naya I feel like I'm a good dad. I do everything for her & I wanna keep doing that. She's my whole heart & I know her like the back of my hand. I don't ever want that to change. But relationship-wise, it's been depressing lately. I even admitted to her recently that after Naya goes to sleep for the night, I just feel sad. It feels like we're not even together sometimes, like we're in two different places even though we're right next to each other. I've been trying to make it work but no matter what I do, I can't fix it. It takes effort on both sides so I can't do it alone.

I just pray she doesn't try to keep Naya from me. I'm ready to do whatever I have to do to make sure we have 50/50 custody because I never want to be one of those dad's who only has his kid sometimes. I want to be part of her every day life. I don't care what I have to do. I'll do anything for my kid. I just didn't want it to have to be this way. I've been trying so hard to avoid this. I've been begging for us to share something again or do something together. Just to feel like we're together. Even if it's just as simple as watching a TV show we both like. I've been begging to communicate & we just can't. It's not working.

I haven't seen Naya since last night & idk how soon I'll be able to see her again. That hurts more than anything. My family is telling me I should file an order of protection asap just so she can't try to keep my kid from me. Because if she tries doing it first then it's gonna make it hard to see my kid right now. I don't know how all that works or what I should do right now... If we're not gonna be together then I really wish we could co-parent but if it's gonna be an issue at all then I'm gonna take it to court. I'm not gonna beg her for my kid, or get mad at her if she doesn't let me, as a dad all I can do is stay calm, do what I'm supposed to, & take it to court. Because you can't prove I'm a bad person or a bad dad. Say what you want about me but nobody can tell me I'm a bad father.

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Reject · 31-35, M

I think a lot of parents make the mistake of putting their kids first before anything and that ultimately results in a bad life for the kid as they have to grow up with parents who never got along and never took care of their own lives. It lines up with the idea of loving yourself before you can properly love anything else. I’m not sure what the solution is because your situation is clearly a complicated one, but at least to me it sounds like one potential problem could be prioritizing love for your kid over the home they’re supposed to inhabit which means they could end up not having either.

ChiefJustWalks · 26-30

@Reject nah I'd never be that way. Putting my kid first doesn't mean I'd ever neglect my own self care or treat her mom badly. Ever since she was born I've cared about myself a lot more just because she makes me wanna be the best I can be. I'll always want the best for her mom too because that's the mother of my child. I'll always help her even if we're not together, if she needs it. Because my kid will be with her half the time so I want her to be taken care of in both homes

Reject · 31-35, M

@ChiefJustWalks Its good to hear you say that. I thought maybe you weren’t able to care for the kids mom seeing how things have gone with her, but I also know that sometimes people are impossible. You can do everything right and they still won’t forgive you and refuse to reconcile for any reason. It’s ultimately up to them so if they don’t want to cooperate? They just won’t. Unfortunately your daughter will likely have to grow up at least partly around that kind of mentality, but I like to think that no matter how bad things get, it’s never too late to find happiness in them. So even if she has to live with separate parents, there’s a good life she can have with that.

ChiefJustWalks · 26-30

@Reject aside from any of our issues, I never wanna treat her with spite. At the end of the day she's my kids mother & I won't treat my kids mom badly. Especially because I'd never want anyone to treat my daughter that way so I know I can't set that example. I have to treat her mom with respect even if we're apart. If she gets difficult, then I'll only talk to her about our kid & that's it.

I think we can still give her a good life even if we're not together. It's not what I ultimately wanted, but I also didn't wanna be in a relationship that made me feel so bad

Reject · 31-35, M

@ChiefJustWalks It sounds like you have it figured out for the most part. It’s just the lengthy process of separation left. As long as you make this adult decision for yourself and not your kid who is too young to understand. This is one of those things where you must love yourself to be the best you can be for everything that’s to come involving your family. Do what’s best for you and they’ll be taken of as a result. That’s the order of things. One that most people can’t do so you’re very brave to take it on.

ChiefJustWalks · 26-30

@Reject yeah the separation is the hard part. One day you're planning for a life together & the next day you're trying to figure out how to go your separate ways & still remain stable for the kid. But yeah you're right. I gotta take care of myself or else this will all be such harder, especially on Naya. Luckily I feel like I'm handling this pretty well, all things considered. The old me would be so depressed right now, drinking every night, just feeling sorry for myself. I'm thankful that I'm not the same person I used to be. Thank you though bud, I appreciate it. I always respect your wisdom