Pled guilty today & I'm officially a felon
On November 22nd, I'll be starting my 2 months in jail. I didn't wanna talk about my charges but I'ma be honest with y'all. Back in 2020 when I tried to kill myself by driving into a wall.. I was drinking that day. So that crash earned me a DUI. Even though I was aware of what I was doing & I consciously made that decision, it doesn't matter. So I never disagreed with my consequences.
A year later in 2021, there was another period of time that I was very depressed. I was visiting my mom 2 to 5 times a week despite the fact that she lived an hour away. I think I just wanted a mom at the time. One day I was at her house drinking all day long. I stopped drinking at midnight & I stayed up ALL night just talking with my mom. Around 7am I was going home because I was getting super tired. My mom offered to let me stay but I wanted to go home so I declined. When I was getting off the freeway I fell asleep at the wheel. I woke up at the stoplight to cops opening my door & asking me to get out of the car. I complied. I explained that I hadn't drank since midnight & I was awake all night so I was just tired. I honestly felt completely sober. But the cops gave me the breathalyzer test anyway & I failed. Consequently, I was arrested for a 2nd DUI. I also had drugs in my backpack that weren't even mine because I wasn't a drug user but I already knew I was screwed on that anyway. Being in my possession meant it was mine regardless 🤦 I also had a gun on me along with a bullet hole in my windshield. The bullet hole was from someone trying to shoot at me a month earlier but I told the cops an obvious lie, that a rock hit my windshield 😂 I wasn't gonna admit to anything stupid but they still tried charging me with "disorderly conduct with a deadly weapon" for that.
I skipped court for those charges because I was worried about the consequences & I wasn't ready to deal with it. A warrant was issued for my arrest. I hoped that I could save money & get a lawyer before turning myself in but I kept putting it off even though I knew I could get arrested any time I got pulled over. My license has been suspended since 2020 so I've been driving illegally for the past 4 years now. Any time I've been pulled over, cops were cool with me & let me go.
Now my most recent charge was over a month ago. I came home from work & half my apartment was empty. My gf & the baby were gone so she left a note that they were leaving 😔 it was because we had a bad argument the night before so she decided to leave without telling me. But one part of the note mentioned that she didn't like how I drank almost every day. She didn't wanna see me live like that & she didn't want our daughter to grow up seeing it either. One of my first thoughts was, "how would I even stop?" I called my best friend asking to hang out & he could tell something was wrong so he asked me straight up. When I told him, he told me, "damn.. come over bro".
So I went over & he was having trouble with his car so I started helping him figure it out. We were having beers while we worked/talked like we've always done. He's a wise friend & he helped open my eyes to some things in my relationship. Afterwards we stopped at my dad's since he was a few blocks away. After my friend went home I told my dad about my gf leaving & taking the baby. A few tears fell by accident so he hugged me. He told me I can stay the night just so I didn't have to go home to an empty apartment 😞 I declined because I had work in the morning & I needed my boots/clothes. He even offered to drive back with me to get them & come back but I declined again because I wasn't trying to be a burden. I wish I would've just stayed... Same as the last time when my mom tried getting me to stay. Part of me thinks maybe there's a power that was speaking through them, trying to keep me safe. I just wouldn't listen.
5 minutes down the road I was pulled over for my taillights being out. The cop saw I had warrants so he got me outta the car. He said he smelled alcohol on my breath so he gave me a breathalyzer test... I failed once again since I was drinking with my friend just hours before. So I went straight to jail. Judge gave me a $3,700 bond which I couldn't pay so I figured I wasn't getting out. It took half a week but my dad was able to bond me out & I didn't expect for him to do that. He had to put the title to his custom Dodge Durango on the line & I don't take that lightly because that's the most expensive thing he has a title to. He said he HAD to because he couldn't leave me in there where I can't take care of my family & plan for the best outcome. I'm grateful for that because I was worrying about my family more than myself. I knew I'd be fine in there but I knew my gf was already struggling out here.
So yeah, now that's my 3rd DUI. Both the 2nd & 3rd one were considered "aggravated DUI" since my license was already suspended for my 1st DUI. Those are both felonies. The drug charge was a felony & so was the disorderly conduct with a deadly weapon. They dropped the weapon charge since it can't be proven. I legally owned my gun & I wasn't acting disorderly.
I pled to my 1st DUI years ago. So my current plea deal is for my 2nd & 3rd DUI's along with the drug charge. Being in Arizona, DUI's are taken VERY seriously. Most people do prison time once they're on the 3rd.. I have an uncle who just got out of doing 10 years for his 3rd DUI. Even my attorney said I got an extremely lucky plea deal considering my history.
I never drove recklessly or put anyone in danger. I'm a very functional drinker & I get that from my dad because I grew up seeing him drink every day my whole life. I started at age 11 just sneaking his beers 🤷
I think part of my problem is that I never saw it as a problem. My dad drinks every day & he's never had a DUI so I think part of my brain saw him & figured I was fine too. I'm not placing blame on my father but I've recently realized that I was given the wrong example to follow & I followed it. Now I realize that I don't have to be like the rest of my family... Sure some could drink & be fine, I could too... but maybe it's just not for me. I could definitely handle my alcohol & I don't think it's always bad to drink but I just don't think it's worth it for me anymore. While I sat in jail I thought about how my gf said she didn't want me drinking anymore. I thought about how I my first thought was, "how would I even stop?" Suddenly I had my answer. That realization brought me inner peace because I finally knew I wanted to change. It made me feel like as hard as everything is right now, I'm right where I'm supposed to be in life.
The biggest thing for me is that I don't want my daughter to see me drinking every day & someday think she could be like that too. Which made me realize that I've chosen to break this cycle that I never realized was even a cycle in the first place..
I haven't drank since that day I got arrested. Sometimes I think about getting a beer but then I think about what it's worth to me... & it ain't. That's been working for me so far.
It's hard for me to admit all this but I wanna be real here. Sorry I wrote another long post. Writing has always helped me & I just hope it helps somebody else somewhere too 🙏
A year later in 2021, there was another period of time that I was very depressed. I was visiting my mom 2 to 5 times a week despite the fact that she lived an hour away. I think I just wanted a mom at the time. One day I was at her house drinking all day long. I stopped drinking at midnight & I stayed up ALL night just talking with my mom. Around 7am I was going home because I was getting super tired. My mom offered to let me stay but I wanted to go home so I declined. When I was getting off the freeway I fell asleep at the wheel. I woke up at the stoplight to cops opening my door & asking me to get out of the car. I complied. I explained that I hadn't drank since midnight & I was awake all night so I was just tired. I honestly felt completely sober. But the cops gave me the breathalyzer test anyway & I failed. Consequently, I was arrested for a 2nd DUI. I also had drugs in my backpack that weren't even mine because I wasn't a drug user but I already knew I was screwed on that anyway. Being in my possession meant it was mine regardless 🤦 I also had a gun on me along with a bullet hole in my windshield. The bullet hole was from someone trying to shoot at me a month earlier but I told the cops an obvious lie, that a rock hit my windshield 😂 I wasn't gonna admit to anything stupid but they still tried charging me with "disorderly conduct with a deadly weapon" for that.
I skipped court for those charges because I was worried about the consequences & I wasn't ready to deal with it. A warrant was issued for my arrest. I hoped that I could save money & get a lawyer before turning myself in but I kept putting it off even though I knew I could get arrested any time I got pulled over. My license has been suspended since 2020 so I've been driving illegally for the past 4 years now. Any time I've been pulled over, cops were cool with me & let me go.
Now my most recent charge was over a month ago. I came home from work & half my apartment was empty. My gf & the baby were gone so she left a note that they were leaving 😔 it was because we had a bad argument the night before so she decided to leave without telling me. But one part of the note mentioned that she didn't like how I drank almost every day. She didn't wanna see me live like that & she didn't want our daughter to grow up seeing it either. One of my first thoughts was, "how would I even stop?" I called my best friend asking to hang out & he could tell something was wrong so he asked me straight up. When I told him, he told me, "damn.. come over bro".
So I went over & he was having trouble with his car so I started helping him figure it out. We were having beers while we worked/talked like we've always done. He's a wise friend & he helped open my eyes to some things in my relationship. Afterwards we stopped at my dad's since he was a few blocks away. After my friend went home I told my dad about my gf leaving & taking the baby. A few tears fell by accident so he hugged me. He told me I can stay the night just so I didn't have to go home to an empty apartment 😞 I declined because I had work in the morning & I needed my boots/clothes. He even offered to drive back with me to get them & come back but I declined again because I wasn't trying to be a burden. I wish I would've just stayed... Same as the last time when my mom tried getting me to stay. Part of me thinks maybe there's a power that was speaking through them, trying to keep me safe. I just wouldn't listen.
5 minutes down the road I was pulled over for my taillights being out. The cop saw I had warrants so he got me outta the car. He said he smelled alcohol on my breath so he gave me a breathalyzer test... I failed once again since I was drinking with my friend just hours before. So I went straight to jail. Judge gave me a $3,700 bond which I couldn't pay so I figured I wasn't getting out. It took half a week but my dad was able to bond me out & I didn't expect for him to do that. He had to put the title to his custom Dodge Durango on the line & I don't take that lightly because that's the most expensive thing he has a title to. He said he HAD to because he couldn't leave me in there where I can't take care of my family & plan for the best outcome. I'm grateful for that because I was worrying about my family more than myself. I knew I'd be fine in there but I knew my gf was already struggling out here.
So yeah, now that's my 3rd DUI. Both the 2nd & 3rd one were considered "aggravated DUI" since my license was already suspended for my 1st DUI. Those are both felonies. The drug charge was a felony & so was the disorderly conduct with a deadly weapon. They dropped the weapon charge since it can't be proven. I legally owned my gun & I wasn't acting disorderly.
I pled to my 1st DUI years ago. So my current plea deal is for my 2nd & 3rd DUI's along with the drug charge. Being in Arizona, DUI's are taken VERY seriously. Most people do prison time once they're on the 3rd.. I have an uncle who just got out of doing 10 years for his 3rd DUI. Even my attorney said I got an extremely lucky plea deal considering my history.
I never drove recklessly or put anyone in danger. I'm a very functional drinker & I get that from my dad because I grew up seeing him drink every day my whole life. I started at age 11 just sneaking his beers 🤷
I think part of my problem is that I never saw it as a problem. My dad drinks every day & he's never had a DUI so I think part of my brain saw him & figured I was fine too. I'm not placing blame on my father but I've recently realized that I was given the wrong example to follow & I followed it. Now I realize that I don't have to be like the rest of my family... Sure some could drink & be fine, I could too... but maybe it's just not for me. I could definitely handle my alcohol & I don't think it's always bad to drink but I just don't think it's worth it for me anymore. While I sat in jail I thought about how my gf said she didn't want me drinking anymore. I thought about how I my first thought was, "how would I even stop?" Suddenly I had my answer. That realization brought me inner peace because I finally knew I wanted to change. It made me feel like as hard as everything is right now, I'm right where I'm supposed to be in life.
The biggest thing for me is that I don't want my daughter to see me drinking every day & someday think she could be like that too. Which made me realize that I've chosen to break this cycle that I never realized was even a cycle in the first place..
I haven't drank since that day I got arrested. Sometimes I think about getting a beer but then I think about what it's worth to me... & it ain't. That's been working for me so far.
It's hard for me to admit all this but I wanna be real here. Sorry I wrote another long post. Writing has always helped me & I just hope it helps somebody else somewhere too 🙏
