I'm at a social event to which I was invited

And I'm here but in my head I'm alone. It's hard to describe it but I'm always on my own in any room, not from being ignored or isolated but simply because I'm so used to being a hermit. I've come outside to vape and suddenly I feel more comfortable because I'm on my own. I'm never really fully engaged in a crowd. Sometimes I've even pictured everyone else dead and just me there. Sounds a bit psychopathic but it's not the intention. I just don't feel like I connect with people, I connect with things. I just want me and stuff, objects.

I'm a weirdo 👀